


My Dear, Our Warm Hearts Sleep in a Cold Bed Tonight

by TooYoungToFeelThisTired



Series: You could have loved me forever. And maybe in another universe, I let you [7]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: 18th Century, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, Complicated Relationships, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Falling In Love, Five's POV, Fools in Love, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Marriage, Miscommunication, No incest - No one is related, Sharing a Bed, Strangers to Friends, Strangers to Lovers, Trauma, Vanya's POV, alternative universe, period drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:06:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 45,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22230787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooYoungToFeelThisTired/pseuds/TooYoungToFeelThisTired
Summary: Vanya knew not all marriages were happy ones. She just never assumed hers would be so strange. Five didn't think he would ever get married, let alone to someone like her.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Series: You could have loved me forever. And maybe in another universe, I let you [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1374196
Comments: 88
Kudos: 293





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything

_Maybe there's a universe out there — happening now — where we end up together. Maybe there's a universe where I'm the right person for you. Where I adore every nice thing you did for me without starting to resent you. A universe where you actually end up with someone who appreciates you. Where both of us can shed our baggage and curiosity and issues. If you think of it all this way, then it's like neither of us did anything wrong. You just found me in the wrong universe. That's all. Because you could have loved me forever. And maybe in another universe, I let you.― Gaby Dunn_

* * *

The moment her aunt came to announce to Vanya, someone had formally sent a proposal for her hand, the young woman's first reaction was to assume it was a mistake. She hadn't been to a ballroom in years, and her last season was clouded with her father's passing and poor financial situation, so she was rarely allowed or interested in dancing or to participate in anything even remotely entertaining. Not that she was someone who one might consider entertaining or pleasant to be around, to begin with in her opinion. Still, due to these reasons as well as her own acceptance of her situation and her future as a spinster, Vanya was genuinely shocked about the proposal and assumed it was some sort of mistake. Whoever made the offer couldn't possibly mean _her_ , could he now?

Ever since she could remember, Vanya was told that one day she would marry someone, start her own family and live a happy life the way her parents did. Her mother used to brush her hair before bedtime and tell her stories about how she would live a happy life with a man who would love her and care for her and they would have many babies inside a gorgeous and big house. For a four-year-old Vanya that became the _dream_ of the future. The way her mother spoke about it, it sounded like it was the most amazing thing that could happen to her, _to get married_. She made it sound like a fairy tale and as a child, Vanya saw only how happy her family was, so it must have been true. Why would her mother lie or make something like that up?

It was only with the adding years she grew a bit out of the childish illusion. She started to see the unhappiness in her parents' marriage. Her father's cheating, and her mother's growing apathy toward everything. She realized that perhaps not all marriages could be _happy_.

When her parents died, and Vanya was forced to live with her relative she was also faced with the possibility of never getting married at all. By that time and given all which had happened the idea wasn't as heartbreaking as Vanya assumed it would be when she was younger. She just accepted it. Life didn't always give a person what they wanted, but that didn't change the fact that they had it and had to deal with it.

'The way your father treated your mother's heritage was purely barbaric,' commented her aunt without a single drop of pity for the dead relative, 'I'm afraid that since you have to money or looks which would attract potential suitors, you would have to find a new purpose in life.'

Her aunt was a spinster whose fiancé died in the war. Mother used to say it made her bitter, but Vanya liked to think it made her practice in the same way, Vanya's parents' deaths had made her.

'Is there anything you would like to do or consider for a future career?' asked her aunt right after the funeral not wasting time with half-truths or comfort lies. In a way, Vanya was almost grateful for such an approach.

Honestly, Vanya had no idea. But as much as she wished she could just hide under the covers the way she used to as a little girl and wait out the bad times, she knew she had to find some way to move on.

That was seven years ago, now as she was close to twenty-five, and let go of the possibility of marriage a very long time ago. Shortly after joining the household of her aunt, Vanya started to teach the children of the nobbles and their neighbors to play the violin. Her father always wanted her to be good in an instrument and most of her teachers always said she was talented enough to teach herself. She knew most of what went on in the lives of such children, so it wasn't too hard to deal with them. She was sure, however, that once married she would have to leave her profession behind.

Vanya supposed the momentary relief was something all spinsters felt when they were told they would after all get married, but then as the idea sank in, Vanya would rather unheard it all together.

_Marriage? Now? After so long?_

She had seven years to get used to the idea that she would never have a husband or a family, and after the initial sadness over something she would never have washed over, she got used to it, even found some comfort in it. At least she would never be unhappy as her parents or others were at times. So many people were unhappy with each other being forced to live together until death would set them free. It seemed very depressing in Vanya's mind. Being alone felt so much better than being caged in a bad marriage. It was the reason why she wished that the man would take his proposal back.

_Sir Five Hargreeves_

Such an odd name. It made Vanya wonder what were his parents like to name him that before she got to the matter at hand. She never heard of him. How could someone who she most likely never even met just out of the blue propose to her? Without any sign of interest? Any courting? A very small part of her found it even offending. Did she not deserve to be properly asked such a serious question?

The man didn't even ask her directly, he asked her aunt, and even if she was under her aunt's house and protection, she found it degrading and embarrassing not to even be considered. Maybe she was just reading too many of the books her aunt could never ever find under her bed, but she genuinely felt offended by it all.

_How rude of him_.

Since she knew his name though, Vanya started to ask around about the mysterious gentleman who wanted to marry her in private of course. He was never much for gossips and wasn't planning to start now, but apart from the fact that he owned an estate and land in Chawton, in Hampshire, she didn't find anything else. She couldn't recall ever hearing about him in any of the social events she attended seven years ago and certain, with _all_ certainty, she could say she never met him afterward, since she never went anywhere.

So why would this stranger want to marry her was a mystery, Vanya did not know how to solve.

She would also appreciate it if she had more time to think about it and didn't have to burry herself in _wife duties_ her aunt and housekeeper were trying to teach her in a couple of weeks before the bizarre wedding.

'Remember you will be living in his house so you must follow his rules,' warned her, her aunt whenever she tried to disagree or voice her objections. Over the years of gaining small independence, Vanya completely forgot what a wife was supposed to act as. Living in a house where the only male was their gardener, it was like living on an island where there were almost no men. Vanya completely forgot how demanding and egoistic they could be. She shivered as she recalled the unpleasant encounters from her times as a wallflower on the balls and other events. Some men weren't very nice that much she found out rather quickly even without the books who her aunt hated so much.

_His house._

_His rules._

_His life._

_His._

She would be just an addition to all of that, wouldn't she?

Before she knew it the few weeks passed in a blink of an eye, and she was standing in her mother's old wedding dress promising to respect and take care of someone she didn't know at all. Someone who was a complete stranger to her. Wasn't that lying in God's eyes? Wouldn't she get punished?

She was no fool. She knew this wasn't a marriage from love.

'You don't have money but you have a position, an inheritance of a title from your family. Your great-grandfather was a nephew of the king. You are a lady in your own right. He has new money but almost no title or status,' said her aunt as she was helping her into the dress that morning.

Vanya could accept the power for a better status or position. It would at least give her a reason to understand why would he pick her, but she didn't understand _why_ her. Surely, there had to _plenty_ of poor young women with the status he could marry. Prettier, younger, closer to Hampshire. So why did he pick her from all of them was beyond anything she could think of.

As she stood next to him both of them listening to the priest she recalled the time she was a child and she played a wedding with her dolls after her mom told her another story about how happy her life would be. She remembered she ripped the curtain and used it as a veil. Her mother was not pleased about it, but she let her carry on with her games. At that moment as the man, now her husband offered her his hand so they could walk out of the church together, she wished for nothing more than to be that child again with her mother and father alive being kind and loving toward her giving her everything she wanted or needed. It had been so long since someone has taken care of her. She missed it.

Five's hands were firm and rough before they let go of her just as quickly as they held her. She had no doubt she would never feel anything she did from her parents with him. He was too _cold_.

She met him before their _big_ day only once as he came to her aunt to discuss some things. It was only on during their wedding feast that she remembered, and it must have been the only time he ever saw. The encounter was so brief it completely slipped her mind not to mention he never introduced himself so how was she to know who he was? More to the point, why would he decide to marry her from such a brief meeting?

* * *

It was very rare that strange men came to the house. If they did they were usually lawyers or from the bank, so the presence of another man walking toward the direction of the door surprised her.

'Hello,' she said before she could stop herself bowing a bit as greeting.

The man paused and turned to look at her. He was on his way toward the entrance door while she was going from the lounge toward the small library with several books in her hands she needed to tidy up.

The first thing she realized was that he was very handsome which wasn't what she expected at all. He had black hair and bright green eyes which carried certain _iciness_. His cheekbones were very sharp and his lips pressed into a tight line which made Vanya feel like she already offended him. He wasn't the tallest man, and he was a bit better build which suggested he wasn't like the aristocrat boys she met at the ball which never did anything in their lives. This man looked like he worked manually, and that thought made her face go hot before she tried to shift her gaze away and think of something else, so he wouldn't know what had crossed her mind. Perhaps it was being inside the house for too long. Maybe she needed to take a small walk.

He watched her for a couple of moments without a single word which filled her mind with new thoughts about how it was starting to feel a bit embarrassing and that he was being rude. The etiquette required that he greet her back.

However, all the man did was stood there his cold green eyes pierced into her like he was trying to freeze her in place.

She swallowed a bit feeling the intensity of his gaze getting to her and watched as his eyes lowered toward her throat following its movement.

When he looked back up his eyes were different for maybe a second before he gave her a quick bow and walked away without any word.

* * *

Despite how strange was the whole meeting, Vanya just assumed he wasn't used to proper manners and didn't think about him or his cold gaze until she saw him again on the feast. It was only then that she realized he was her future husband and the realization made her feel even worse about it.

His eyes were so distant and cold. She had a feeling they wouldn't get along very well. She thought about the time she begged her father to buy her new shoes. They were the most beautiful pair of shoes she ever saw and her father always treated her like a princess so he bought them without a single care about the price. It was the first time, Vanya tasted the cruelty of wanting something and then getting it only to realize it was a horrible decision. No matter how long and often she wore the shoes they continued to cut into her heels making her bleed and have blisters until she couldn't find it in her to wear them at all, so she just kept them in her closet disappointed with them. Looking at her future husband, she felt the same. She felt like he was just as easy on the eye as the shoes, but he would cause her pain.

If she was braver, she would maybe call the whole thing off, but she wasn't, and she knew how much of a burden she was to her aunt. Also maybe there was a small part of her which still wanted to get married and see what it would be all about and if maybe, just maybe, there wasn't a tiny bit truth to her mother's story.

* * *

A month went by, but all Vanya could say was that her marriage was strange. At first, even if the idea had its flaws, Vanya assumed Five only married her to gain some power to his status through her, but soon as she got to see him in a day by day environment and situation around his estate, she quickly learned Five had no care for such things. Since he himself wasn't of high status, he saw little difference between a servant or a lord. Often upsetting the later. He might have been strict, distant to the point he seemed ignorant of certain things, but he had no problem to tell people when he disliked something. His opinions were very important to him, and it appeared like he had no intention of ever doing something which he didn't consider in his best interest. So whatever was the reason why he chose her the status had nothing to do with it.

Despite what her aunt had said, the first thing Five did when he brought her to meet the household and the staff was that he ordered everyone to treat her as the lady of the house with respect and obey all her wishes as his own which surprised her because she truly thought everything would be _his_ including her. He didn't seem to have a problem with any changes she slowly started to make around the house from the different colors of the curtains to the location of the furniture in the living room. He even went out of his way helping her with a little flower garden just for her behind the house. Her aunt would riot if she saw her working in the dirt, but personally, Vanya enjoyed the new activity very much.

The truth was whatever Vanya requested, Five gave it to her without a single worry or objection which puzzled her to no end. With how careless he was about her needs and yet so strict and invested in the household and land, she thought about trying her luck to see what would be the silliest thing she could ask for before he would deny her. Just to see what his reaction would be, but the last time she asked for a new robe, he cut the game short.

'You don't have to always ask for my permission,' he told her after the fifth time she came to ask for something in one day.

'I have trust in your judgment, Madam,' he told her calmly before he turned around and continued to speak with the farmers while she awkwardly stood there for a moment. She then returned to the house feeling foolish even more since honestly, she knew she didn't have to ask him about every single little thing, but she was trying to spend some time with him.

Ah yes, the time they spent together. Every morning when Vanya woke up, Five was already long gone as he liked to take a walk every morning around the field to check everything. On most of the days, he ate lunch in the oddest hours sometimes coming closer to dinner than lunch claiming he lost track of time.

Vanya couldn't possibly suspect he had a mistress as the man was unbelievably busy. Every day he managed to find something to consume his day whether it was helping the men on the field, discussing something about his business in London with his associate and lawyer or working on a mathematical thesis for the university which he apparently enjoyed doing in his spare time. He was such a busy man; she often had to ask the maid to bring something to eat for him which resolved in her eating alone. Then after dinner, she usually went to read or to bed. It didn't matter how long did Vanya try to stay up, she always ended up falling asleep and by the time she woke up Five was already gone. She wondered if perhaps this wasn't her own fault. Since she fell asleep before him during their first night, and this was his way of punishing her or perhaps being generous toward her as he thought this was what she wanted.

* * *

All Vanya knew about her first night was that it was supposed to hurt, and she should let him do whatever he wanted. That was all everyone always kept on telling her and no matter how independent her aunt was she was still a woman of age and looked at everything new with a heavy heart and sore eye. Vanya read books of course. The ones her friend managed to give her in secret from her aunt. The authors wrote about it being also gentle and loving yet Vanya couldn't imagine anything being other than cold and distant with the man.

_Do as your husband says._

It was all her aunt and housekeeper told her up front, and Vanya felt like she would faint than actually _do_ anything. What was she supposed to _do_ , however, she did not know.

'Does it hurt?' she whispered as her maid came to help her with her dress. She was honestly so terrified at that moment that she didn't even care if it was rude to ask or if she couldn't trust a maid which wasn't her own. All she needed was to hear something else than what little did she catch.

The young woman just a little bit younger than her smiled at her kindly, 'A little bit, but don't worry. I can't imagine our Master ever being anything but good to you.'

Vanya swallowed hard trying not to show how scared she was, but with her lips trembling it seemed impossible.

The maid brushed her hand and smiled again, 'If it hurts, all you have to do is tell him. He will stop.'

Vanya nodded even though she wasn't sure she believed the maid. Her husband's eyes were so cold and distant, and he didn't speak once to her during the whole wedding. At one point a thought crossed her mind that he would kill her tonight. She could only hope it would be quick.

The maid helped her with the dress, she went to lay down and wait in the bed. She didn't know how long it would take for Five to come to bed, but she laid still waiting for him feeling the dread eating her up alive. By some miracle, even with all the worry and stress of the day and the whole situation, she still found herself falling asleep. She didn't know how long she slept, but at one point she did wake up as the bed shifting with the new weight.

'It's okay. Go back to sleep,' came a voice softer than the usual direct and cold one she heard him bark orders around the household today and agree to marry her.

She mumbled something even she couldn't understand and fell back asleep. Maybe she just made it all up.

* * *

Ever since then, Five always came to bed late so she was never faced with the possibility to conceive their marriage. It confused her and made her wonder if perhaps the maid didn't tell him something or maybe he didn't have an interest in bedding her, but if that was the case, why did he married her at all?

He didn't want her status and given that he hadn't tried to even kiss her hand or take her hand after leading her out of the church, it was obvious he didn't like her. So why marry her? Based on how he worked and how she heard him talk with people he was a man with a plan who did everything because it fulfilled a certain purpose. What purpose was to have a wife you didn't wish to sleep with, have kids, or inherit her title? Did her aunt ask him to marry her so she would get rid of her? But why would he agree?

_Not all marriages are happy_.

She knew that. She learned it the hard way from her mother's red eyes and her father fake smiles as he told his weak lies, but she still thought…she still hoped…

After all of this time perhaps she was still a bit naïve. Maybe it was the whole mystery of it. Perhaps if she knew, she would feel better about it learning how to live with it.

She looked out of the window in their bedroom to see Five speaking with one of the gardeners before he looked up. His gaze found her or it felt like it did.

Vanya forced herself to offer him a small smile even though she wasn't sure he could see it from that far and raised her hand in a small wave.

He didn't wave back just continued to watch her, and she lowered her hand feeling foolish again. She often felt like she was ridiculing herself in front of him with his cold approach to everything she did. She knew he didn't mean to. He was like that with everyone, but it certainly felt like he was cold and reserved, and it bothered Vanya.

If they couldn't be husband and wife the proper way, she would like them to at least be… _friend_? Yes, that would have been nice.

Still, as he politely bowed and started to walk somewhere out of her sight, she had a feeling it wouldn't happen any time soon.

* * *

'Was Master Hargreeves always like this?' she asked the maid one morning as she was helping her knit. Even if Vanya was born into a family with a title, there was never enough money for them to actually keep around a maid for too long, so she knew how to do most house chores all by herself. It made living as the Lady of the house a bit difficult for her as she had very little to do.

She didn't need Allison's help, but since most of the maid seemed to be polite but reserved, she asked for it, so she could talk with her a bit.

'Like what?' asked Allison after she made sure no one was around to hear them.

Vanya shrugged her shoulders, 'Distant? Quiet? Hard to read?'

'Pretty much, but he's a good man, you know. He's just harder to let people see that, but he helps and takes good care of us all,' she said and Vanya could tell it was genuine and not something the maid wished to say to be in favor.

Allison told her a little something about Five's parents and their death. They died during a storm when their ship lost course. Most of the crew died and those who didn't were left in France. For a very long time, everyone thought, Master Five passed away with his parents, but his grandfather never stopped looking for him until he found him living in a small village near where he was found.

It took a while to get Five to adjust back to his home. He rather spent time outside than to deal with etiquette and rules of proper society which explained why he often came off as rude.

'We were all very surprised when Pogo announced Master Five has decided to marry in a couple of weeks,' confessed Allison with an apologetic smile, 'You see, he rarely showed interested in making friends or marriage at all. My mother used to say it because of what he had been through. He lost the closest people he had in such a violent way. No one really knows what he saw, so perhaps he never wished to go through it again. The possibility of losing someone he cared for again was too much for him.'

They talked a bit more before Allison was asked to help in the kitchen.

The first thing Vanya requested when she once again met Five that day was that Allison would serve as her personal maid. Her husband didn't even flinch as he agreed again reminding her she could do whatever she wanted.

_I don't care._

Was left to be unspoken and hurtful, but Vanya tried not to take it into her heart as she understood him a bit better now that she knew some of his stories.

'I rather wish for you to know about the changes I make, so they don't surprise you, Sir,' she said calmly and watched as he looked at her. For a moment, she wondered if he would comment or reply something to her, but in the end, Five just nodded as if accepting her words and continued to walk the stairs to his office, no doubt to remain there until dinner.

* * *

It was only after a month and half that Vanya first heard of the dog.

'He's the ugliest and meanest creature I've ever met,' she heard one of the servants complain as she was returning to the house after her walk. Ironically it felt like Five now that she was taking walks, her husband was staying more and more in his office.

She asked the servant boy to explain, and he told her about the dog which apparently had been hiding all this time from her because until that day she did not even know of his existence.

'What's his name?'

'Dog,' replied the servant with all seriousness and even when she waited he did not correct himself. Apparently, he was not pulling her leg.

Despite the servant boy's warnings, Vanya walked to the side of the house and the small doggy house the animal had just for himself and watched carefully only now being able to make out a shape of a dog inside.

So it appeared, there was two inhabitance of their household who liked to hide from her.

She took the bowl with food for the pet from the boy's hands and flicked him away before she walked straight to the dog's house took his bowl and filled it with the new food.

'Amazing, Madam. That's the first time, I ever saw him not attack someone,' said the boy in awe, Vanya shrugged her shoulders.

She honestly didn't even think about the dog attacking her. She barely even knew it was there. Personally, she thought the boy must have upset him or try to somehow tease him for the dog to be aggressive. With someone as strict as Five for a master she found it unlikely for the dog to misbehave in such a way on its own.

When she was close to the house, she thought she saw the curtains closed in Five's office but it must have been just her imagination playing tricks on her.

However, she did add feeding the dog into her daily routine.

* * *

Sometimes, Vanya wondered if perhaps it was her own fault that she couldn't seem to connect with her husband in anyway. He seemed to be perfectly fine to speak with the farmers, the butler and the rest of the staff, his associate from London as well as his lawyer. Was it perhaps that she didn't know how to talk to him?

It was true that after a few failed attempts of a conversation where she still felt too self-aware and shy, she gave up for a while, but he wasn't exactly easy to talk to. Apart from the polite and absolute necessities, he didn't ask her a single question and all hers were answered in short sentences which left her to feel like a fool again and wish not to continue with her embarrassment anymore.

'Lady Hargreeves, you look absolutely stunning today,' said Sir Klaus, his associate from London when he came to visit again. Apart from a few others who showed up rarely, he was the most frequent guest in their household and certainly the most pleasant one. He very well spoke and carried certain humor to every conversation.

'Thank you,' she said and continued to knit, 'You are very kind.'

'Is something bothering you?' he asked her suddenly, and she paused him her work surprised by the question.

'Oh, no, why would it?' she asked forcing herself to a polite smile. She didn't need him to think there was something wrong. No one had any business to know something wasn't the way it should be in her and Five's marriage even if she had no doubt the staff gossiped about it all the time. She didn't like to talk about it not even with Allison who she grew to adore the most from the household. She felt embarrassed more and more thinking it was somehow her fault and that a different woman would be able to at least achieve a bare minimum of a relationship with her husband.

'You always seem like a flower on a gloomy day. Very sad,' he said and something in his face was very gentle and understanding.

However nicely Sir Klaus spoke, Vanya would never allow herself to shame Five in any way least of all to suggest there were problems in their marriage, so she just shook her head and brushed his concerns and asked him about London this time of the year. Luckily, the man took the hint and chatted away about the perks of the city and whatever came to his mind. He was good in nonsense chatter which Vanya appreciated dearly at that moment as she continued her knitting.

'Sorry, to keep you waiting,' cut in Five after about an hour of their small talk as he came from his walk around the land.

'No need for apologizing, my dear friend. I was left in the excellent hands of your lovely wife,' said Klaus with joy before he bowed to Vanya went to follow Five to the office before he suddenly let out a squeak of sort of, 'Ah! Perhaps, you and your dear wife would be interested in joining us this year for a little celebration. My mother would love to see you again, and she's very interested in meeting you, dear lady Hargreeves.'

Vanya's stomach dropped. She had little desire of being with people who would be able to see right through their marriage and tell that there was something wrong with how distant they were. She wished for Sir Klaus to take his words back, but he was already looking at Five ignoring her pleading looks.

Five gave her a quick glance. Even with his face passive and feelings hidden Vanya assumed he wasn't looking forward to a visit any more than she was.

'We'll see.'

Afterward, his and Sir Klaus's business was discussed, and the man left, Five came to see her while she was writing a letter in her personal study, which he prepared for her a few weeks ago. She didn't ask for it, but he said she could use the room in whatever way whatever she chose to.

'I hope, Sir Klaus didn't offend you in any way,' he said after she let him in.

She shook her head assuring him that he was a perfect gentleman.

Five nodded but still looked like he wished to speak with her some more, 'We don't have to go to London. Klaus just has a tendency to try and create situations for his own amusement but at the end of the day. He's a good man.'

Vanya smiled at the way he spoke of his friend before she noticed how his eyes shifted with something she didn't recognize, and she forced the smile down, 'I wasn't offended, and if you wish for it we can go to London, I wouldn't mind seeing the city after so long, but I'm not keen on high society's events.'

He watched her for a moment before he nodded, 'Then we shall decide when the time comes.'

Vanya nodded as well and the two heard knocking as Pogo came to ask what time did Five wish to have dinner.

'Today, I will dine with my wife,' he said and Vanya couldn't be more surprised by his decision. He only ever ate with her two times, both shortly after she moved to the house.

He turned back to her telling her he will not disturb her in her work anymore and left her little study.

She watched him and Pogo leave wondering if Klaus might have told him something afterward or if this was a reaction to them having to potentially be seen in public. Either way, she would enjoy it while it lasted, and see what could come of it. She didn't hope for much anymore.

* * *

Personally, Vanya couldn't understand why everyone was so afraid of _Dog_ , he seemed to like her just fine as after the third time she came, he even came out of his dog house and patiently waited for her to give him a new food.

He was a tall skinny and dog with black fur. She never saw a breed like his, but she immediately liked him.

She didn't try to pat him yet of course, but she started to watch him eat and waited for what he would do next.

Yesterday he came to sniff her hand before he retired to the house.

She liked how little by little he trusted and opened up to her more.

Today she wanted to try and touch him or reach for him to see what he would do. Growing up they never had a dog since her mother wouldn't approve, but she quickly grew fond of _Dog_ as her own.

When she was close, she paused as she found Five in front of Dog rubbing him behind the ear and telling him something. She was frozen in place at such a display of affection from her husband toward anyone, and for a moment she thought about just waiting until he was done before she would go to him. She never witnessed him like this. It was almost surreal. He was always so closed and looked like there was never a single hair out of place. It was bizarre really to see a side of him like this.

However, he suddenly turned around and motioned for her to come which surprised her even more, but she did obey and walked closer.

'I heard you're the only one he allows to feed him now,' said Five while he continued to stretch the dog.

She shrugged her shoulders and gave the dog the food, but he continued to stay in position for Five, 'He used to bite me all the time back in France.'

Vanya remained still again. It was the first time she ever heard he speak about his past, and she was worried if she made any sudden moves or noises the spell would break, and he would be back to ignoring her.

The dog looked like he was enjoying the treatment, 'But I supposed I grew on him eventually.'

He stopped and looked at her, his face if it was possibly a bit softer than usual, 'You managed to do it quicker than most.'

She offered him nod not sure how else to respond, 'I think he's very polite. He never even barked at me. Not once.'

Five nodded before he said a bit lower like he didn't really want to say it out loud or for her to really hear him but they were the only two outside and there was no other noise to cover his voice, 'Come sit down. He won't let you pat him until you are at the same level.'

It took her a moment to realize he truly said what she heard. She walked closer to him and very slowly sat down on the grass. It wasn't wet, and she hadn't worn her best dress so she didn't dwell on it and watched as the dog tilted its head looking at her.

Five motioned for it to come closer as he moved to her side as well. Vanya took in a deep breath. Her nervousness had nothing to do with Dog and everything with how close Five suddenly came. The last time he was this close to her was at their wedding day, even when they slept together in the same bed it felt like there was a distance between them Vanya couldn't cross and reach him no matter what she did, not that she really tried to, not really at least. She didn't really know how at least in the bed. She found herself embarrassed just thinking about it. Wasn't it ridiculous? He was her husband and yet he was a stranger.

She rose her hand and waited until Dog came closer, and she managed to reach for his head before she slowly stretched the fur. He let out a small joyful sound, and Vanya chuckled.

'He's not scary at all,' she said still smiling to herself at how soft was the fur and how genuinely happy the dog looked.

When she looked at Five she realized he was looking at her instead of at Dog, and she wondered why, but before she could ask or think about it more he turned back to Dog and said, 'He belonged to the woman who raised me in France. Delores. She allowed me to take him as a parting gift. She's very kind. Always gives people more than they deserve. It isn't always a good thing, but she doesn't complain even if they disappoint her.'

Something inside Vanya shiver as she recalled what Allison told her about his parents' deaths and how he lived in France when he was younger not being in contact with his family, his grandfather.

'She sounds lovely,' said Vanya and watched as something in his eyes shifted again the same way it did the day he came to talk to her in her study.

'Yes, she is.'

They were silent for the longest of times both just patting or scratching the Dog. Somehow Vanya didn't hate the silence now. It was comforting. The nervousness inside her burned out, and she was at peace now just enjoying the late autumn breeze and wondering about what would winter look like. She was never good at small meaningless talks to fill the absence of someone talking, but with Five she felt the silence was intense and charged with something which made her stomach turn. She didn't like how it made her feel and often felt like an idiot whenever she did say something to which he rarely answered or if he did only with one-word sentences. Right now however it felt like this was the calmest moment imaginable. She felt no anxiety or pressure to talk. In fact, she wouldn't mind staying like this for hours just the two of them sitting on the grass with Dog enjoying the day.

When Five spoke and cut the silence, she was too calm to feel tense again.

'Would you be opposed to Delores coming over during Christmas?' he asked, 'She had come to a couple of times now, so if you wouldn't mind, I would like to introduce you to her.'

Vanya couldn't help the new smile which forced its way on her lips. She was touched he actually asked about her opinion. Of course, she wouldn't mind and she told him as much. He replied with a calm nod, but Vanya had a feeling she made him happy even if it was impossible to tell.

When they both heard Pogo calling Five as a visitor came, he looked visibly annoyed for a second before his face fell into the same unreadable unimpressed look and he got to his feet.

He was polite enough to offer her his hand. She took it, but with the force he used to get her to her own feet, she lost a balance for a second before Five's free hand was put on her waist holding her still. The two of them remained standing without a single movement both of them waiting to see what would happen next to his hand against her waist burning Vanya through the fabric of her clothes.

Once he let her go, she missed his touch immediately.

Even if for a second it looked like Five wanted to tell her something, he didn't and left her alone with Dog going to the house to deal with the visitor.

He wasn't present during lunch, but he came to the table just before dinner eating with her in pleasant silence again before he out of the blue told her that the vicar came to see them earlier asking for some donation. It started a short-lived conversation between the two, but it was surprisingly the first time they managed to speak during the dinner, so Vanya was happy about it nevertheless. In her opinion. It counted as progress in their relationship.

* * *

After catching Allison and one of the huntsmen in the kitchen corridor hugging one another, she started to wonder if she shouldn't be more affectionate with Five to get closer to him. By now it was almost four months since their marriage and at least they started to have dinner together and talk. Nothing even close to important things, just how was each other day. All dull and mundane things, but Vanya enjoyed them knowing it was an improvement from the beginning when Five wouldn't say anything but greet her good morning.

Yesterday she woke up earlier than she usually did and was startled a bit as she would have sworn she caught Five looking down at her in the dark of the early morning before he told her to go back to sleep. If he was looking at her and he married her, he had to want her on some level. She wondered about what his relationship with Delores was and if perhaps he wasn't traumatized by what happened with his parents. If he later was raised by his grandfather he couldn't have many experiences with affection. Apart from Dog and the one time he helped her up from the grass and put his hand on her waist, she never saw him touch anyone in the house. Not that he had a reason too, but Vanya wondered if maybe he didn't have some issue with touches, more importantly how to be the first one to touch someone.

After she caught Allison, she felt a stab of jealousy about how easy it all seemed to fall for others while she and Five were left in this situation. It had been three months, and he hadn't tried to touch her now once. Did that mean he would never be interested in bedding her?

She wanted to know if it was the touch itself which repulsed him, just her own or perhaps he was just as inexperienced and shy like her.

Maybe, she would do better if she let it be. If she just stayed his housemate of sorts, and wife by name, but Vanya didn't want to. She knew it was ridiculous. She was twenty-five and knew little to nothing about the man, yet she found herself wanting to have something like the lovers in the hallway. She thought highly of Five. She could tell he was a good person. He was very handsome and whenever he spoke and let out the smallest important detail of his life, she felt on top of the world.

In the course of those several months, she rarely came into his study. If she needed something she left him a note with the servants or waited until he came outside.

Today, Vanya gathered all her courage and knocked waiting for his reply before she entered.

He brought his head from his papers and motioned for her to come. Vanya was a bit overwhelmed with the chaotic gathering of his books and papers. Of the way, everything seemed to be placed carelessly when really it must have been put on the exact place by design.

'Do you wish anything, Madam?' he asked her calmly and waited until she came closer.

'I wish to take Allison with me to town today if that is alright with you. We will be back before dinner,' she told him the requested she carefully prepared earlier.

Five nodded without any objections thinking she was done because he lowered his head. Vanya decided it was now or never and since his cold green eyes weren't looking at her and stealing her courage, she simply leaned down and pressed her lips against his cheek in a quick peck before she leaned away, 'Thank you.'

The look he shot her was a clear shock that oddly pleased her. She never really got any reaction from him before so seeing his face change for once made her feel proud of herself. He didn't say anything just watched her, his cold green eyes wide staring at her for the longest of times. She started to think she caused him to go mad with her little kiss. It wasn't anything special in her mind. She used to kiss her father like this all the time. Sure, Five's skin was softer without the beard digging into her lips, but it didn't feel much different.

She didn't even realize she was smiling until she told him her goodbye and walked out of the office leaving him to his thoughts and the impression from the kiss whatever it would be. Her good mood didn't leave her until dinner when he sent one of the servants with a note that he would be eating in his office.

Vanya gripped the note hard and excused herself saying she wasn't feeling well before she went to the bedroom stubbornly refusing to eat that day and going to bed early.

She was determinate to stay cross with him all through the next day and when she woke up to him leaving the bed, she rolled to the other side ready to ignore him until she felt his hand against her cheek rolling her head toward him. His hand was warm against her skin, and it threw her off because of what was happening.

She blinked away the sleep before she felt his soft lips pressed against her forehead in the most tender act she ever experienced, her heart beating so fast she was scared it would burst out of her chest to get closer to him before he pulled away, 'I will see you later, my dear.'

It was the first time he called her that, _kissed_ or even touched her and Vanya found it impossible to fall asleep again. Instead, she laid away reliving the memory over and over in her mind smiling like a little girl every time she felt her stomach do the familiar flip and something warm and comfortably settled in its lower part. Perhaps, there was hope for them yet.

* * *

Vanya was too self-aware to try and approach him again like that. Whenever she did so with the intention of kissing him his eyes snapped to her direction, and she was left frozen in place, the gaze simply stealing away all her bravery before she walked somewhere else or said something completely unexpected making a fool out of herself again in her mind.

Unfortunately, he also didn't try to kiss her again, but on the other hand, she didn't try to miss their dinner time anymore, so she left like it was a bit of an improvement.

That morning Vanya woke up feeling a bit unsteady that morning feeling like she needed a few more hours of sleep or maybe to rest some more. She thought about staying in bed and asking for some tea, but she was worried if she didn't come to dinner later, Five would assume she didn't want to come. She felt like even agreement and hope was fragile, and she didn't want to ruin it.

It all proven to be the least of her problems when she saw everything going black as she walked down the stairs.

She woke up again sometime later to Five gently stroking her hair. The tenderness of his touch woke her up completely leaving her surprised and a bit confused about the gesture. His eyes were still the same which made her think how many times she read him poorly simply because she couldn't detect his feelings and mood from his eyes.

'Why didn't you say something?' he asked after she confessed she was feeling a bit weak since morning.

Maybe due to her illness or the fact that Five's fingers moved so nicely against her skull, she found herself admitting, 'I was worried we wouldn't share dinner again. We…we already spent little time as it is.'

She looked away out of the window. It was too hard to see his face after such a confession, and she simply waited for what he would say. He didn't say anything but continued to stroke her head a bit longer until she fell to sleep again. It was nice and all she could ask for really without asking it.

She was woken up a bit later as the maid brought her something to eat and Five was sitting in front of the desk by the window with his plate waiting for him.

In the end, they did share a dinner together even if she was in the bed. It warmed her heart to know, he decided to eat with her.

Since then he even started to eat lunch with her more often.

'You know you may ask if you want something,' he told her one time as they were eating.

She didn't know how to put her words in the right order but she tried as she said, 'So can you.'

When he looked at her she had a feeling she dug a bit too deep into something, but he didn't reply to it. Still, he continued to eat dinner with her every day as usual.

* * *

With so much time on her hands and so little to do even with her walks, the garden, feeding the dog, Vanya started to read. Don't assume anything wrong, Vanya adored reading since she was a child, but her parents' and aunt's libraries couldn't compare to the enormous book collection Five's family had possessed. She had to leave all her books in her aunt's house hidden in the library instead of her bed.

She was pleasantly surprised when she found several books of the same ideas in Five's library.

Vanya found herself especially lost in _Marry Collier_ , when all of the sudden the door to the library opened and her husband looked at her surprised.

'Do you know what time it is?' he asked, and although he sounded harsh and upset, Vanya had learned that it was the way he spoke with everyone, and it didn't necessarily have to mean anything bad.

She blinked looking around. She lightened a candle a while ago, but didn't pay much attention to clock as got taken by the book poems analyzing and processing them, 'I lost track of time, Sir.'

He walked inside toward her as she started to gather herself to leave for bed before he noticed the title of the book. Had he read it? Did he know what it was about? Would he be annoyed and wish to punish her?

Five didn't say anything for a moment before he nodded at somewhere behind her, 'There might be a different book which could also interest you, Madam.'

So far he not once had called her by her name, but she didn't expect him to, she wouldn't dare to call him by his either. Another reminder of how different her marriage was from her parents. Even in their most vicious fights they always addressed each other in a familiar way, never formal.

She followed him to a different corner of the library, the one she had yet to explore where he pointed at a couple of books, 'Sarah Fyge and Marry Wollstonecraft might particularly interest you.'

She felt a blush creeping up her cheeks. Not the cute one which young ladies had which made them appear pure and naïve, but the ugly one Vanya had which made her look red as a tomato. So he knew exactly what she was reading about.

Even if his voice sounded as impressed and distant as always, he didn't sound angry about her choice. He didn't comment on it or mock her the way she knew other men would.

'I'm sorry,' she said out of habit.

He looked away from the books down to her the sconce still in his right hand creating a shadow over his face. He was looking at her his eyes seem a bit softer in the dim light from the sconce and the darkness of the room.

'Nonsense, you are the lady of this house. I have no objections to your choices of reading material. In fact, I wouldn't mind knowing what you thought about it,' he said catching her off guard. It was the first time he ever truly tried to initiate a conversation with her. Vanya brightened up simple at the thought of having something to talk to with him apart from their daily duties.

She shyly looked away tripping over her own tongue as she spoke about what she read and how she interpreted knowing she must have sounded like a rambling fool before she heard a chuckle.

She blinked look back at him her whole body in shock as she noticed a smirk playing on his lips. It was just a foreign look on him, that for a brief moment Vanya didn't recognize her husband at all. At that moment she didn't even care if he was going to make fun of her, because the _smirk_ was so appealing for some reason she felt like she would survive any ridicule.

'That's a very accurate assumption. I myself thought the same,' he said instead praising her in a way, and Vanya honestly started to think she lost her mind at one point.

She allowed herself a nervous chuckle. She never spoke with him this long or this much before. Perhaps, it was all a dream.

He talked a bit about some other books before she started yawning. It upset her because she was in _no way_ bored with his words. In fact, she was fascinated to hear him talk for so long. Even during dinner, their chats were short-lived. Stating facts from their days, their neighbors, about the staff. Very short and on point before they moved to another topic. So far they never came across books and, Vanya found it a crime as Five clearly had as much to say about his reading materials as she did.

'You're getting tired?' he asked, and she was grateful he didn't take it as some personal insult to his speech. She would be angry with herself if she caused his sudden openness to shatter and for him to close off himself from her.

She nodded feeling a bit tired from all the standing and the dim light of the candles doing unpleasant things to her eyes now.

'Come,' he said his hand found its way to her lower back burning her a bit despite her never wanting him to let her go, 'Let's go to bed.'

* * *

Once they were in their bedroom, Five said he wouldn't wake up Allison or any of the other maids as they were long asleep.

'It's not a problem,' she said, 'I just…need you to help me with the back of the dress.'

He stepped behind her and gathered her hair before pushing them all over her shoulder to her chest. She felt her heart beating faster as her body must have caught up to the fact that he was right behind her so close she could feel his breath on the back of her neck.

His fingers moved over the buttons on her back very slowly which must have been intentional since Vanya knew all too well how fast he could work.

Once he was done, she had to take a hold of her front so it wouldn't fall right off her.

'You're not wearing a corset,' he mumbled suddenly and she felt herself blushing. Almost no one knew about it 'No, I never wear one. I'm too tin, it never fits well.'

'I see,' he said and for a second Vanya felt the heat of his palm pressed against her back moving from the top to the bottom before he stepped away turning his back to her.

She bit her lips. If she was better in things like flirting and courting she would maybe be able to do the unthinkable and seduce him, but Vanya knew she was always a shy woman and the simple thought caused her to blush probably all the way to the toes on her feet.

She quickly put her clothes down and hid under the covers feeling like the whole situation made her want to cry because it wasn't just Five, it was her too. She didn't know how to reach out and be with him. They were both the cause of the failure of their marriage.

'Are you alright?' he whispered in the dark as he must have heard the little sob she didn't burry inside in time.

'Of course, please don't bother yourself with me,' she said after a while she was fit enough to talk without sounding the way she felt.

He was quiet for a while before he rolled back to his side and whispered her goodnight.

It was anything but a good night for her. Vanya wondered if perhaps there was a way to end it. To ask to be sent back to her aunt? She would die of the embarrassment alone, but she felt like she was causing just too many problems for Five this way. He wished for a good wife, mother, and woman and all he got was an old spinster who couldn't stop being so incredibly timid and self-effacing.

She probably sobbed too loudly or too long, but once again she felt the bed shift. Before she could tell him again to leave her alone, she felt his arm around her stomach pulling her closer to his chest.

She blinked away some tears wondering what he was doing, but he offered no explanation just held her close his breath on the back of her neck keeping her awake and yet calmly her down. She couldn't remember the last time someone held her. Probably her mother when she was still alive. She was beyond grateful, and she hoped he understood that as she put her hand over his. She didn't know what would happen tomorrow and how would they act after tonight, but at least for now she had the comfort of him being close and holding. For tonight that was enough.


	2. Chapter 2

Personally, by the age of twenty-five, Five was more or less convinced he would never get married or have a family of his own.

He was his grandfather's grandson. Reginald Hargreeves came from very poor beginnings and managed to make something of himself. He built a house, created an estate and got richer than most of the nobles in Hampshire. All he was ever interested in was power and money. His whole family knew that the only reason someone like him, a man who only ever cared about himself, got married was to have some heirs who would add even more to his new wealth. They only had one son, Five's father, who then had Five. All of them were pretty much dominated by his grandfather.

Five didn't remember his mother very well but from what he did he could tell she was in constant fear of the man. He never heard him shout or raise his voice, but he had a certain ice-cold way that hurt more than if he hit them. He knew their weaknesses, doubts and could use them against them very well.

After his return back to his grandfather and the man slowly teaching him the art of taking care of their household and wealth, Five grew to realize he was more similar to the old man more than he would wish to be. He didn't spare any additional words he didn't have to. He was a loner, and he preferred to work than to attend social events and deal with upper-class society. He enjoyed his work, life, and all his achievement. Being busy all day long, Five didn't simply have the time to feel lonely or like he was lacking company. He was constantly surrounded by his employers, partners, farmers, neighbors, just people. He was never one to discuss anything personal with those people, but he didn't think it would be necessary.

Given that he was a Hargreeves in blood and uprising he didn't need anyone and could survive on his own so to look for a wife and start a family seemed pointless almost inconvenient as he couldn't bear to small talk with upper-class ladies. Marrying below his status also didn't seem like a good idea so Five assumed he would just stay alone and in peace for the rest of his life at times. It didn't bother him…

But then there were the other times. Times he got a letter from his step-mother from France and he remembered he was also raised by and cared for by Delores, and his time with her left an impact on his psyche which put him on opposite ends with his grandfather. He was a loner, yes, but he did not wish to be lonely. Any time he got a letter from her, he remembered the times the two of them were in her small house and they talked or play games. Her company was always pleasant and nice. He often wished for her to come live with him, but she always refused to say she loved her childhood home too much saying she was born, raised, and would die there getting buried with her family. Yet her letters always revealed to him a part of him, he wished he could deny or burry inside. He _was_ lonely. In his most vulnerable moments, he could admit to himself, he wanted the company. After her letters when he went to sleep alone in his bed, he wondered what it would be like to have a wife laying next to him, her soft breath close to his the way Delores was when they sleep together in her tiny home. He wondered what it would be like to sometimes speak with someone on the same level as his, express an idea or worry about something. He had servants, yes, but it didn't feel right or logical to bother them with things beyond their understanding or interests. He had partners and friends, but at the time he wished to speak with someone who wasn't so involved just to get a fresh opinion or idea. But then he would meet up or have to deal with another one of the upper-class or lower-class ladies, sirs and their daughters and suffer through their pointless chit-chat and realize he wouldn't have the patience for such waste of breath.

So no, he wasn't _actually_ planning to marry anyone of those cows which their mothers tried to send over to the house and start some horrible small talk with him.

One day though his business let him to the house of Lady Alford. He didn't have a problem to deal with a woman, unlike his other business partners. She was a very sharp and old-fashioned lady, but her mind worked well and Five could see benefits in the future from their cooperation.

He knew she lived with a niece, but since such things were of little interest to him, he never paid attention to anything they said about her. He had visited the house three times but never encounter her so far so by the time he actually did he forgot all about her.

'Hello,' he heard a soft female voice behind him on his third business visit as he was leaving.

He paused for a moment confused as he knew a maid would never greet him on her own and he forgot about the lady's niece completely.

He turned around to found himself looking at a young woman, perhaps his age or a year younger with several books in her arms hugging them to her stomach as she slightly bowed in greeting toward him.

Five blinked realizing who the woman was. He wasn't introduced to her and there didn't seem to be anyone around to do so, so they were left standing there looking at one another. In fact, the woman shouldn't have even greeted him like this, but perhaps she just forgot or assumed he was someone else.

He carefully took in her appearance. She was wearing a simple dress, the kind which spoke of not being too spoiled or rich but still from the higher society. Her soft brown hair was left falling down on her back in a very free way while her eyes carried a certain warmth and kindness he rarely saw in the eyes of nobles' daughters.

She wasn't pretty in a way that would make her stand out. In fact, Five would almost call her plain or average looking, but it was in that moment her cheeks colored a bit with red probably from the embarrassment of their situation and she swallowed. His eyes shifted to her throat, and he couldn't help, but think she had a very nice and soft looking neck. An absurd and inappropriate thought crossed his mind about what it would feel like if he pressed his fingers against it and feel the softness. Would her pulse steed up? What would she do? Would she let out a startled breath? Or would she moan perhaps?

When he looked back up at her he realized she was average looking and maybe not stand out beautiful, but at the moment, Five felt a sudden craving for her like he never wanted anyone or anything more than her and his gentle fingers against her throat. Maybe he had gone mad, but in that moment, he wanted to have the woman all to himself. A thought so foreign to him, he looked back at her warm and innocent brown eyes and forced himself to give her a quick bow and walk away without any word. He feared if he stayed a second longer, he would do something unthinkable, unimaginable and reckless.

* * *

After his encounter, he went to London and hired a private detective who told him everything he needed to know about the woman and her situation. Her father gambled away all her mother's money before they both passed from tuberculosis leaving their daughter, Vanya, nothing. He had to force back the smile when the man said her name out loud for some odd reason. He rarely felt like smiling so it caught him a bit off guard.

The only thing her father didn't have time to gamble away was the house, but the bill collectors took it leaving Vanya's homeless until her aunt took her in. She was born to be a lady, but with what happened no man with status and reputation would marry her. He found out she was a music teacher, earning some money by teaching kids to play the violin. The more he thought about their meeting he realized that even in his moment of captivation he noticed she was reading. Not something the society found acceptable for a woman to read.

He found himself smirking at the thought of her not being like the dull woman he dealt with so far. She intrigued him in a way no one had in a while and he wasn't sure what to do about it.

He planned a new visit to her aunt but was informed that she went to one of her student's houses. It upset him which was irrational because there was always a chance, he could have missed her. He didn't announce himself coming or wishing to see her again. And in that moment as he realized unless her aunt introduced her, which she clearly had no intention, or he ran into her again, Five would most likely never or only rarely see Vanya which brought him to make the most irrational decision in his life in asking her aunt to give him the blessing to marry Vanya.

It was completely out of character for him and even lady Alfordnoticed. She stared at him speechless after asking him how was he acquaintance with her niece. Five quickly danced his way around the situation making sure he wouldn't insult or give Vanya a bad name.

'But why her?' asked her aunt the most obvious question, Five couldn't answer honestly so instead he said, 'Your niece's title would be a good addition to my name.'

She accepted it even if she looked skeptical and they promised to meet again to arrange everything. Five felt not himself the whole ride home realizing what he just did. He didn't intend to take it back throughout the few weeks he spent informing people of getting married soon and their disbelieved looks, he came to realize just how absurd it looked. He was getting married. Him who never seemed to be in the need of anyone's company. Him who looked like the copy image of his grandfather with his reserved behavior and coldness. Yes, he knew how poorly it looked. How confusing it was that someone like him who made it clear never wanted a wife, was preparing a wedding. Everything about the idea was laughable. Why marry a woman with no inherence, a woman he met only once, a woman which would tie him to continue to work with lady Alfordeven if he would in the future wish to part ways, a woman who would surely change his stereotypical life he liked so much? He claimed it was for the status to his family name, which proved him to be just as calculative as his grandfather, but that wasn't the reason. The real reason. The one he couldn't admit out loud to anyone was because the thought of never seeing Vanya again was unbearable. Ridiculous. He didn't know her. Not really. He knew her story from his private detective's investigation, but not her. Not the way a person should before getting married. Some of his friends and partners in business had no say in who they wed, but he did and he chose a woman, he met only once, never spoke to, didn't know at all, simply because he had this unsettling need that if he didn't see her again he would go mad. She had poisoned his thoughts and dreams ever since he saw the red on her face and throat standing there with a small polite smile on her face. Perhaps, he already did get mad, but he couldn't do anything about it. He needed to see her again, and every day, and maybe just maybe she could be some addition he needed in life not to feel the haunting loneliness late at night or early in the morning after receiving Dolores's letter. He wanted, no, he needed someone in his life, and since the first moment he saw her, he had this unbreakable belief that someone had to be lady Vanya.

* * *

Time went by incredibly fast in Five's mind which was absurd since they went by the same way it always did, and the wedding was here. He was conflicted. Since his decision to marry lady Vanya he had a lot of work preparing everything in the house for her arrival as well as the wedding itself. His grandfather would have turned in his grave if he thought Five's wedding was anything but an expensive and power-showing event.

However, from the moment his soon-to-be-wife arrived at the church and then during the feast, Five was left disappointed and a bit upset. He had been so captivated by the illusion of her when he first saw he didn't even stop to consider he should have met her in person. Lady Alford didn't suggest it, but since she was giving her niece away to him, surely she wouldn't deny him wanting to get to know his future wife a bit better. But he didn't think of it upfront so now the whole ordeal of walking Vanya out of the church and sitting during the feast seemed almost uncomfortable. He didn't know what to say to her. Ridiculous. He knew _what_ to say, he just couldn't force himself to open his mouth and say it. He wanted to tell her that she was _beautiful_. It was the absolute first thing that crossed his mind as he saw her in the Church wearing that white dress looking like an angel. The only missing was a halo, but he supposed she made up for it by the softest and smallest ghost of a smile she gave him before the priest took their attention. He wanted to return the smile, he really did, but the moment he tried his grandfather's sour face appeared in his mind, and he remembered how the old man refused to have him smile as a child claiming people would consider him weak if he did so.

So he didn't smile at her not in the church and not during the feast which she must have noticed because whenever she tried to look at him and found him looking at her, her face fell a bit and she looked away. He tried to ease his frown wondering if he should explain that it wasn't about her. That he wasn't frowning because of her, and she should relax and she looked beautiful, but it seemed they were never alone. Lady Alford, his friend Klaus and Ben there was always someone around talking to her or him keeping them busy.

By the time night came, and it was almost time to go to bed, Five also noticed how visibly paler and paler his new wife got. Was she afraid of their first wedding night? It was something, Five didn't too often to be completely honest. He wanted to. He had dreams about kissing her neck and making her blush in the candlelight on the bed. However, seeing how scared she was and not being able to share a single word exchange with her caused his mood to drop significantly. In the end, he told one of the maids to inform her that she could go to their room, and he would follow shortly.

He talked with Klaus and Ben for almost an hour afterward outside until the two literally forced him into the house.

'You have a business to attend with your lovely wife, Sir Hargreeves,' teased him, Klaus, with a wink.

Five remained stoic at the comment before he went inside but instead of going to his bedroom-their bedroom, he went to his office until he was sure the woman was asleep.

He wasn't wrong. He could barely make out her soft breathing almost like she wasn't there at all. He changed his clothes and went into the bed which let out a small sound. However because it was night and the whole house was quiet it sounded very loud, and Vanya's head poked up from the pillow.

Five held his breath wondering if maybe she was awake the whole time actually waiting for him, but when she didn't say anything he closed his eyes and let his excitement fade.

'It's okay. Go back to sleep,' he told her knowing it was for the best given the situation.

'Thank you,' he heard her very sleepy voice mumble back before her head fell on the pillow again her breathing immediately back to the soft level from before which made it clear she fell asleep again. She must have been tired from the whole day and night. Not in the mood for anything other than rest, and he didn't blame her.

Nevertheless, in the darkness of the night, he couldn't help himself blaming it on the momentary madness that he raised his hand and let his finger tun through her hair which was as tender as birds' feathers. She was lovely, and he didn't deserve her.

It was just in that moment as he was looking at her unstressed face in the dark of the room that he truly realized what he had done. He proposed to her aunt without even taking any consideration of what _she_ wanted. He arranged everything the way he or better yet his grandfather would have wanted. He didn't arrange a single meeting with her to talk to her and get to know her. He didn't ask if she wanted any of her former maids or housekeepers, any of her things apart from her aunt's house. He didn't ask if she still wished to play teach maybe it became her passion, but a married woman couldn't work as a teaching, and he took it away from her without asking. He was captivated and craved her since the moment he met her, but he had no idea how she felt about him. During the ceremony and feast, even if she looked at him or others she looked so pale, small and anxious, but now her face was purely innocent and free of all that, and Five couldn't help but feel angry with himself that he put her into this position. He caused her to feel this way. He possibly ruined her life simply because he selfishly chose to have her because the mere thought of not would drive him insane. He, him, his. Never her, never considering her and what she wanted.

'I'm sorry,' he said into the dark as if it was supposed to make up for it before he turned toward his side of the bed and away from her trying to find some peace and sleep, but it didn't come easy to him.

* * *

After those first months, Five could admit his marriage was not the way he would have expected it to be. Since his uprising by his grandfather, he dreaded the marriage would be terrible almost obnoxious to the point his wife would never let him work always wanting to talk, mix in his business and work, demand unreasonable things, require time and effort and patience he would have very little for pointless things. On the other hand since for some time he was raised by Delores, he imagined at times marriage would be just like that having a person, an equal to talk to about his day, things which bothered him, his ideas and general life with someone who had the same way of thinking. His own marriage was neither of those things. For the most part, Vanya seemed to recognize his need for independence and solitude when he was working. Either he was discussing the household with Pogo, talking with the farmers and huntsmen, dealing with his business partners or working for the University in London, Vanya always recognized when he was busy politely bowed and left sometimes not even greeting him to disturb him in the first place. She never bothered him to the point it would be driving him crazy only coming to him if she needed something which was only once or twice a day maximum. Even the things she asked for were never unreasonable a dress here, a pair of shoes there, making Allison her personal maid. Things that had very little significance to him, weren't as expensive as he heard other men complain about their wives' demands and seemed to be all she needed. It made him feel a bit bad that he had such modest wife who never wished for anything, so he turned one of the common rooms upstairs for her personal study convincing her she needed her own space to work, but also because he wanted to give her more than she asked for. She asked for so little it was ridiculous. Five wanted her to have everything she wanted and more as he soon realize Vanya deserved more than she thought she could ask for which he told her by telling her she could just buy and do the things she wanted without asking.

'You don't have to always ask for my permission,' he told her after the fifth time she came to ask for something in one day. Not that he minded her coming to him. Even the brief exchanges were a nice interruption of his often serious conversations with farmers and staff, but she was too worried about things. She should just do them and enjoy them. He liked her to have the things she wanted. She deserved them. She should enjoy them too. After he woke up from their first night as newlyweds the bad taste of what he did to her in his mouth, he swore to himself he would give her everything she wanted and more. If he ruined her life by forcing marriage upon her, it was his _duty_ to make it up to her by giving her the best life any wife could ask her. He would never argue with her about her purchases and what she wished to change in the house, not that he found anything wrong with either of it.

'I have trust in your judgment, Madam,' he told her calmly and sincerely since from what little he knew of her, he could tell she wasn't the type to spend everything on meaningless things and all her decisions and request so far were very reasonable. With that in mind, he turned around and continued to speak with the farmers. Without a single word she left not bothering him as he imagined another woman would and probably returned to the house. She was perfect in that way, and Five personally thought this quality would have made even his grandfather tolerate her better than anyone else. Not _like_ since the former sir Hargreeves was incapable of such things, but tolerate was as close as it got.

But on the other hand, they never seemed to talk or spend time together with the way he did with Delores. It wasn't her fault entirely. That would be cruel to think. He had his fair share blame to carry as whenever he was alone with her for a longer time in one room he had this feeling he just wanted to look at her and then touch her inappropriately and just enjoy her like a fine sculpture in peace. She was just so stunning at times, it was hard to look at her and not act upon his instinct which would most definitely startle her and make her hate him. She didn't want this marriage. She didn't know him and certainly didn't feel anything for him, how could she? So if he did what his damning body and mind were trying him to do, it would surely result in her being horrified and never forgiving him. Besides, he himself despised such cruelty upon women even if they were wives of someone. No one deserved that. He was confused and upset with himself for being so weak whenever he saw her imaging all he could do to her if there weren't servants around and if he didn't fear her hating him for it. He felt like he lost the ability to talk or act properly when he was alone with her. The idea of trying something in the bedroom with her when he wasn't even able to ask her about herself made him feel disgusted with himself. Vanya deserved better than that. She was a good woman, he imagined and sweet toward the people around her as both Klaus and Ben seemed to approve of her always asking about how she was doing, the farmers and huntsmen telling him he was a lucky man, and he caught the staff of the house whispering about how much nicer she was than his mother. She truly was a nice and good woman, and she didn't deserve his poor desires to get out of hand and force themselves upon her. No, she deserved someone who would talk to her and treat her as an equal, ask about her day and thoughts. Such things were apparently easier said than done and since he couldn't find it in him to talk to her like a decent gentleman and not a barbarian, he couldn't be alone with her at night. So he made a point of staying away late and waking up early to avoid seeing her too much in her nightgown and doing something despicable. At first, he tried to dine with her and talk to her but when it was proven he wouldn't be able to do so he decided to stop until he found some common sense and was able to be in his presence for a long time without acting like an absolute imbecile.

It was terrible he knew, but she didn't seem better at it either as she only asked a few questions the first time which he answered but never took the conversation further ultimately ending it before it had fully begun. Was she upset he married her? Did she imagine she would be a spinster and free from all the rules of the marriage forever like her aunt? He wished to know what she thought. He wished to know everything about her.

He tried to talk to her. He truly did, but he felt whatever he had to say to her wouldn't interest such a divine creature as she was. It was madding really and made him realize that marrying her the way he did without ever meeting her again was his terrible mistake. He wasn't sure how she felt about it all. He might have been craving her every second of the day, but she never showed if she was even a little bit of interested in him as well. He probably offended her since he didn't even try to court her, and it surely didn't help that he couldn't talk to her. He wondered what she thought of their marriage, and if maybe she didn't enjoy it this way. She didn't know him and didn't really have to deal with him, but still got married and ended the spinster life.

He spent endless hours of the day wondering what could possibly be going on in her head. During one of those days in his study, he found her coming back from her walk and raising her hand to wave at him all of a sudden.

_What do you think of me? Do you hate me? Are you happy with our current situation? Who are you really?_

He didn't realize he never waved back at her until she wasn't looking which was too late now. It felt like whatever he did it never seemed to be the right thing to do, and it was eating him up inside.

* * *

Over time Five was glad he gave Vanya her own office as soon afterward she started to play the violin much to the delight of the entire household. She was very good and the music was a nice addition to the sometimes stressful days helping Five work better on his physical thesis.

'Astonishing,' commented even his butler, Pogo, one evening as she finished her playing. Five couldn't not agree. Vanya's playing was amazing, and he didn't have trouble understanding why she chose to teach music. She was very good and seemed to be playing from the heart.

'It reminded me of your late mother, Sir.'

Five looked at the older man. It was rare he spoke of Five's parents. In fact, none of the staff no matter how long they worked for the family mentioned any of his relatives often, and Five didn't ask. It was pointless to open old wounds. It wasn't like Five could do anything about their deaths.

'She played?'

'The old piano. Lady Hargreeves now moved to the music room. Your mother, God rest her soul, only when late Sir Hargreeves was on business. You remember he preferred silence in the house,' said Pogo. Of course, the old man wouldn't speak poorly of any of his former masters, but it was true grandfather was almost obsessed with silence in the house. The little of what Five remembered before what happened and life with Delores was how his mother was always worried, he would cry and disturb his grandfather. The memories made him feel unwell, so he usually tried not to focus on them or think too much of them.

'What do you think of the new lady?' he asked his butler. Even if Pogo would never be cruel or meanspirited about anyone, Five learned a long time ago he said a lot even when he didn't hide the truth but in a way, anyone could detect it if they tried.

The older man smiled a bit, 'She is a lovely woman, sir. Very kind. You made the right choice.'

Five didn't think there was anything hidden in his words so he just nodded returning to his notes before he realized Pogo was still in the room.

'Yes?'

'One of the stable boys told me she started to feed the dog,' he nodded at the window where they could see Dog's doggy house.

'Maybe she would be interested also in the horses? If I may suggest it wouldn't be the worst idea to show them to her.'

Five stopped writing and frowned, 'Has no one done so?'

Pogo's stayed perfectly expressionless, 'It is my understanding, that Lady Hargreeves learned everything about the household and estate on her own or from her maid, but I don't suppose a maid is qualified enough to show the lady of the house the family horses.'

Five could see through what he was implying, and even if he wasn't surprised the staff noticed their strange behavior toward one another, he was still a bit caught off guard that Pogo hinted it.

'Would it be a problem if someone else then showed them to her? Someone from the staff?' he tested seeing how Pogo took a deep breath before he answered, 'It wouldn't, sir, I just wanted to point it out. Lady Hargreeves is a lovely and very kind woman. I can arrange someone to do so,' said the man and bowed heading out clearly feeling his lost before Five called out.

'Wait, Pogo, please don't. It would be rude to ask someone else do something the Master of the house,' he said feeling a bit embarrassed as he realized just how right Pogo was. Five basically left her on the first day to figure everything out for herself. He never took her out for a walk to show her the lands but let her follow him around asking him for things to see them. Come to think of it he didn't see her close to the horses since she arrived and never asked if she even knew how. He never really asked her anything because every time he thought about it, he wanted to do something else something more, which she wouldn't approve or like. Still, Pogo was right, it was offensive in a way that he showed so little interest in her getting to know the household or him.

* * *

'How come your wife always looks sad?' Klaus asked him when he came for their next visit. It was several months since he and Vanya got married, and he had to admit nothing changed in their relationship. Everything still felt as stiff as before and Five grew worried every day Vanya would come to ask him to allow her to return to her aunt unhappy with their marriage. Of course, he would allow her, give her money and anything she needed.

'I don't know,' he lied. He wasn't an expert on human behavior. He was self-aware enough to admit so, but he also couldn't be an absolute ignorant and not admit that he knew part of Vanya's lately down mood was due to him and how he acted. He didn't know what was wrong with him. He should have talked to her tell her that if she wished to leave she could. A part of him hated himself for being so cruel and keeping her here, and another part couldn't do anything else.

Klaus, on the other hand, thought himself of the master of human nature and behavior and raised his brow, 'Now, I don't believe that one bit. I told you to remember she is a woman and as such she should be treated properly like one. She's not your maid or farmer boy.'

Five frowned at him, 'I am very aware that my wife is a woman, thank you very much.'

Klaus smirked at that not bothered by his outburst. It was rare for Five to act out his anger, but Klaus had a way with words that even he couldn't stay immune to even more when the issue was about the woman he was left feeling so frustrated about all the time.

'So the problem is the exact opposite. You're _too_ aware she is a woman and ignore her,' sighed his friend and crossed his arms as if he was a misbehaving child. He acted too much like Five's mother for his own good at times. Klaus was his friend from the university grandfather sent him to after he came back from France. Although they couldn't be different, they became quite good friends. He wasn't sure how they managed it, but he was grateful for it as Klaus proved to be much-needed help whenever he was dealing with things he found out of his range of interest or capability in business and now clearly in life.

Five looked out of the window, 'I'm not ignoring her. I wish I could ignore her because I feel I'm going mad with how much I think about her.'

His friend watched him, 'Well, does she know this? Because a woman is only sad the way she is because of unrequited love.'

Five froze for a moment before he looked at him his heart in dread, 'D-do you think she fell in love with someone? Or she had someone back home who she loved?'

Klaus rolled his eyes never bothering to call him out on his mistakes, 'You, you idiot. She clearly fancies _you_.'

'Don't be absurd,' said Five with a frown and shake his head. Such an idea. How could Vanya love him? She didn't know him, and never showed him any sign she did.

'Dear friend, you're blind. She's distressed and sad because you're ignoring her and clearly not treating her right. I told you, you can't act toward her the way you do toward me and Ben or your staff. Being cold to us is understandable. We're used to our pragmatic friend with expressionless face and cold eyes, but Vanya needs a husband who can warm her in the cold nights and brighten her days,' said Klaus rather dramatically, but Five understood what he meant and knew at least in some ways he was right which made him even more upset.

'I can't, and she's not in love with me if anything I believe I pushed her as much away as I could making her hate me rather than fancy me,' admitted Five. He thought about it for a while now realizing that his cold behavior toward her to protect her from him and his desires for her might have ultimately chase her so far away she would never find a way back to him.

'If that was true she wouldn't be sad, Five,' Klaus gave him a look, 'If she didn't care about you or how you treat her, she wouldn't be sad, she wouldn't care. She would be happy spending your money, riding horses, reading books, going to the town, going to London, visiting her aunt, finding a lover,' the last word got Five's blood to run cold as fear crept inside his heart.

'It's not too late to fix your mistakes and act like you should have. She's a good woman, Five, don't hurt her more than you already have.'

The thing was Five wasn't sure how. So much time had passed them acting like strangers in the house than newlyweds he didn't know how to talk to her without making the situation uncomfortable. But if Klaus was right, and he didn't lose her, if he was even more right and she _cared_ or _fancied_ him, he had to try to fix things with her. If he didn't, and she truly left and worse fell for someone else, he wasn't sure what he would do. He was obsessively possessive of her since the first time he met her, he would never be able to let her go, not to her aunt, and not to another man's arms.

After Klaus left, but his words remaining like an echo in his mind, he went to find Vanya in the office he prepared for her.

It was the first time he entered and saw how she changed it feeling like it carried a different tone than the rest of the house, lighter. Her violin case lied in cover, and he wondered if she would ever allow him to listen to her in the room when she played.

'I hope, Sir Klaus didn't offend you in any way,' was the first thing he said when he came in.

She shook her head assuring him that he was a perfect gentleman not that he thought otherwise. Even if Klaus could be a bit extravagant, he was never rude to people who didn't deserve it, and Vanya was not one of them.

Five nodded and tried to gather his thoughts and what he planned to say. He still had a hard time believing Klaus completely about her being in love with him. Even now Vanya looked rather curious, but upset about something, 'We don't have to go to London. Klaus just has a tendency to try and create situations for his own amusement but at the end of the day. He's a good man.'

When Vanya smiledFive's heart speeded up. It was so rare he saw her truly smile nowadays which proved just how down she truly was. However, she looked into his eyes a second later and the smile fell, and he instantly missed it wondering if it was true he looked so cold to her at times, she felt like she couldn't be happy around him or enjoy life. Had he really want to be so much like his grandfather to carry on his legacy, he became his cold and distant self as well?

'I wasn't offended, and if you wish for it we can go to London, I wouldn't mind seeing the city after so long, but I'm not keen on high society's events,' she told him as a matter of fact, and Five tugged the information carefully away to the corner of his mind. He liked they had something in common. He hated the events as well.

He nodded, 'Then we shall decide when the time comes.'

Vanya nodded as well seeming glad for his words, and the two heard knocking as Pogo came to ask what time did Five wish to have dinner.

Five's mind returned to his conversation with Pogo from a few weeks ago and with Klaus. In a way, they were both right. It was his fault things were bad with Vanya and excuses in his mind that he only did it to protect her and not cause her pain wouldn't do anymore. He needed to break the ice and start acting if not like a good husband at least like a gentleman and perhaps a friend.

'Today, I will dine with my wife,' he said and saw the surprise on Vanya's face when he did. He waited a moment to see if she would be upset, but after the few seconds, her face softened as if she was pleased with the idea which he took as a good sign of his decision.

He told her he would not disturb her any longer from her work and left feeling very good about his decision. When they reached the floor, and he went to his own study he heard Pogo comment, 'Excellent choice, sir. The cook is making lady Hargreeves's favorite food today.'

Five almost smiled at that. Good. Anything which would make Vanya's face so calm and happy and her smile so bright.

* * *

He would like to think the ice was immediately broken, and they started to act the way married people did, but that clearly wasn't the way things were. They were still the same people. He was still distant and unsure of what to tell her and what would interest her, and she was still shy and perhaps thinking the same. But it was better than the first time even if still a bit stiff. However, this time Five felt he was more in control of his passions and kept trying to talk to her asking her about her day and she did the same. It was a small step toward something better, but a step, nevertheless.

After Pogo mentioned Vanya was now in charge of feeding Dog, Five notice her walking toward the dog house a couple of times through his window. She never went too close to him except to give him the food, but Dog allowed her closer than most without barking or biting her. Apparently, she had a way with hard to control and distant animals.

Five allowed a smirk to come on his face. Who would have thought?

He noticed that even if Dog sometimes came out and watched her give him food, she never tried to touch him or pet him. He knew Dog well enough he wouldn't come to her on her own, so Five decided to help her pet him today.

Dog was his for a long time. The animal was almost sixteen years old if what Delores told him was true, but didn't look older than six. He was tall and skinny with black fur and a look which made everyone stay clear of him. Five remembered when he first saw him after he allowed himself to leave Delores's house for the first time. The creature looked more than unimpressed with him, and he didn't blame him. He was still shivering as if he was still holding onto the wooden door of his room from the ship in the ice-cold ocean even if it was weeks since he was in the warmth of Delores's house. It took him a while warm-up to Five, but eventually, he managed and Delores gave him Dog as a parting gift saying she would have the memories from the places they've been together so he needed Dog to bring him his.

He was rubbing Dog behind he ears when he heard Vanya came close

Personally, Vanya couldn't understand why everyone was so afraid of _Dog_ , he seemed to like her just fine as after the third time she came, he even came out of his dog house and patiently waited for her to give him a new food.

He motioned for her to come closer, 'I heard you're the only one he allows to feed him now,' said Five while he continued to stretch the dog.

She shrugged her shoulders and gave the dog the food, but he continued to stay in position for Five. Delores and then Five himself trained him well.

Maybe because he always thought of Delores when he was around dog and because in her last letter she reminded him not to forget to let Vanya in more since she knew how close he could be and everything which Pogo and Klaus told him he decided to just say it, 'He used to bite me all the time back in France.'

Vanya remained still not saying anything and for a moment Five feared what he told her didn't interest her, and he was actually ruining her alone time with the dog, but when he looked at her out of the corner his eyes he could see her focus was all on him and continued, 'But I supposed I grew on him eventually.'

He stopped and looked at her feeling relieved when he saw her face all gentle and understanding. 'You managed to do it quicker than most,' he said hoping it sounded like praise because he meant it as one.

She offered him a nod the corners of her lips always up in a soft smile but not quite. It still encouraged him and even more when she finally spoke, 'I think he's very polite. He never even barked at me. Not once.'

Five nodded and took all his gut and inspiration from the exchange when he spoke again, 'Come sit down. He won't let you pat him until you are at the same level.'

It took a moment for her to move, and it was the longest moment in Five's life, but eventually, Vanya walked closer to him and sat down on the grass close to him.

Dog titled his head from him to her and then back to him blinking at him as if he was approving the idea as well.

Five motioned for the dog to come closer as well and shifted toward Vanya feeling her take in a deep breath as their arms came close to one another. This was the closest they had been intentional since their wedding, and Five somehow knew she thought the same.

She rose her hand and waited until Dog came closer, and she managed to reach for his head before she slowly stretched the fur. He let out a small joyful sound, and Vanya chuckled the sound sending something like a spark through Five's body, but he didn't dare to act upon it.

'He's not scary at all,' she said still smiling, and Five felt everything inside his body warming up at how happy she looked for once in her life since he knew her. He never saw her this happy before, and it made it hard to breathe. Now he was spoiled. Now he never wanted to see her anything, but this happy. Whatever it took.

When she looked at him, it was too much for him to handle himself so he looked at Dog again and found himself telling her about Delores. 'He belonged to the woman who raised me in France. Delores. She allowed me to take him as a parting gift. She's very kind. Always gives people more than they deserve. It isn't always a good thing, but she doesn't complain even if they disappoint her.'

'She sounds lovely,' said Vanya, and Five believed she meant it and was relieved she thought so.

'Yes, she is.'

They were silent for the longest of times both just patting or scratching the Dog. It was good silence, however. It was the type of silence which meant they were in peace with everything and there were no words needed to disturb it. He honestly wished they could have silences like this more often. He wished they could stay like this for a bit longer, but also wished to talk to her some more now.

'Would you be opposed to Delores coming over during Christmas?' he asked, 'She had come to a couple of times now, so if you wouldn't mind, I would like to introduce you to her.' He asked Delores to come a few times now, unlike him she wasn't terrified of ships and sailing, and she sounded more than happy to finally meet his wife from the letters.

Vanya smiled again and Five had to keep himself in check not to reach out and touch her smile with his fingers to feel it. She told him, she wouldn't mind at all, and Five almost allowed himself to smile at her. Almost.

When they both heard Pogo calling Five as a visitor came, he frowned at his butter for a second before he realized it wasn't his fault. He got to his feet hoping to know Vanya understood he couldn't stay and offered her his hand. He would much rather stay with and enjoy the silence, Dog or talk, but clearly, he ran out of his happy moments as he once again heard his grandfather reminding him he had to always put his duties above everything else. He old man's voice made him shiver even now after he was gone for long.

She took it, but with the force he used to get her to her own feet, she lost a balance for a second before Five's free hand was put on her waist holding her still. He didn't notice it until now standing face to face with her like this but she was a very small and tin woman. He also noticed that his hand was touching something warm and delicate on her waist. Was she not wearing a corset? He never risked staying in the bedroom for too long to be faced with Vanya's dressing rituals but now he wondered. He also wondered if he would be able to pick her up and carry around. Such a ridiculous thought.

The two of them remained standing without a single movement both of them waiting to see what would happen next.

When he saw the blush from her cheeks head to her throat he let her go fearing he would do something irrational if he didn't.

Once his hand was no longer on her, his mind worked a bit better, but he still had this urge to tell her something. Something nice. What he wasn't sure. He wasn't even sure he was capable of saying something nice in the first place, but he wanted to. If he trusted himself more he would have told her he liked it when she blushed and the color reached the skin on her neck, but he knew that if he said it, and Klaus was wrong about her caring for him, he would despise himself.

He left her with Dog and went to deal with the vicar who came to bore him for a couple of hours missing lunch which he decided to have in the office with him. He should have dined with Vanya but didn't want to bore her as well.

During dinner, however, he did talk about it with her. It was the second time they talked that day, and Five got quickly lost in the discussion. Even though they run out of words after a while, the atmosphere of the dinner was countless times improved by it. It pleased Five and he could see it did his wife as well.

In his opinion, it counted as progress in their relationship.

* * *

Five was in a bad mood since he woke up. He was running late on his thesis which he promised to send Ben at the end of the week. It was his own fault though. Before, he usually reserved time to work between eating so he often dined in his office to work on his research and papers for London's University. Now he dined with his wife. It would be rude for one to work while they were eating together in his opinion, and he knew her well enough to know she wouldn't dare to disturb him so they wouldn't engage in conversations that were already such a rare affair they only seemed to occur during their sharing meals.

Due to this, he needed to skip dinner today to work. Of course, by the time they finished lunch Five's mind was elsewhere dealing with the newest problems and the conversation he had with Vanya about it slowly letting her into what went on in their household and estate. It surprised him he was genuinely interested and showed some inside talking about what little she remembered from her parents' household.

'I apologize I'm not more of a help. For the longest of time, my father dealt with everything around the house so I didn't consider learning anything about what was going on,' she admitted looking a bit ashamed.

Five could see some bad memories returned to her mind, 'You can't blame yourself for that.'

She raised her head and blinked as he continued hoping it would bring her some comfort, 'You were younger and never brought to think it was your duty to know or find interest in such things. No one can hold it against you, and you shouldn't either, madam.'

Vanya nodded and look a bit better so he assumed he said the right thing, but completely forgot to inform her about dinner. The next time he saw her she came to his office, but if he was close to remembering what he wanted to tell her she completely threw him off guard.

She used a clever way to get close to him asking to be allowed to go to the town which was when he remembered about what he wanted to tell her, and then her warm and small lips were pressed against his cheek lighting his whole body like a candle for a second.

He was left shocked looking at her like a fish out of the water wondering where did that came from and where did she found the courage to do something like that or what did he do to deserve her? Because he allowed her to go to the town with Allison. He would allow her to go to London or anywhere she wanted if she kissed him so sweetly again and smiled like that. Oh, her smile. She never smiled at him like that before. It wasn't just that her lips were pushed into the gesture, her whole face was lightened up. Her eyes were shining with amusement and happiness and her cheeks were the same red color he saw the first time they met. He wanted to touch her so badly at that moment he had to fist his hand in one point or he would do so and frightened the poor woman.

He wanted to say something. _You don't have to thank me. That was a nice kiss. Do it again. May I return the favor?_ But before his mouth started to work again Vanya was already out of the door her steps light as distance herself from the hallway outside of his office.

Five sat back against his chair for a second before he rushed to the window waiting for almost an hour until the carriage was prepared and Vanya and Allison got inside. Five felt his heart-stopping when he still saw Vanya smiling at the maid as they spoke before they disappeared from his view.

He allowed himself to smile in the privacy of his office before sitting back down feeling just as captivated by her as he did that first time he saw her. She would be the death of him.

_Never allow anyone to be more important than yourself. You have a responsibility to me and your death parents, may God rest their souls. You have to do everything you can to make the estate prosper and grow. No distractions._

Of course, grandfather came banging at the door of his beautiful moment as well with his sour face and cold words reminding him of what he needed to do and how he should act.

Five looked down at his desk. He needed to finish his monthly addition to the university's department of physics. He promised it to Ben. It was his sworn duty and something he enjoyed doing as well.

When he heard the carriage return several hours later he wrote a note and passed it to one of the servants. Even if he grew fond and addicted to his shared dinners with Vanya, he had to finish his work.

Once he finally did, he walked out through the dining room noticing there was no plate or leftovers as there usually was whenever he and Vanya ate. His wife had a habit of eating as much as a small child which must have been the reason why she was so skinny in the first place.

'Did lady Hargreeves finish dinner already?' asked Five Allison as he caught her on her way to the servant's stairs. The woman looked away clearly uncomfortable which made him worried all of a sudden walking closer to her. Did something happen in the town? Did someone bother them?

'She didn't have dinner today, sir,' she said slowly still looking away.

Five blinked confused.

'How come?'

She turned around as if to make sure no one was around before she said, 'You have to show her you care because she doesn't see it.'

He was left speechless and could tell Allison was ready for punishment for speaking up on her own like that. He was surprised she said something like that. He didn't think Vanya confessed so much in the maid, but he could tell his wife clearly liked Allison and wanted her around always whispering to her about something and walking around with her. Sometimes when he was sure the two didn't know someone was close he caught them giggling about something in hushed voices. He found himself smiling every time he heard the soft sound of Vanya being so happy and open even if it wasn't with him.

'What do you mean?' he asked and noticing how Allison shivered before bowing, 'I'm sorry, Sir, I know it's not my place and rude-'

'I'm not angry with you. Please, explain,' he said Ben often criticized him by saying Five never noticing how cold and rude he sounded at times like he was upset with people when he thought he was being perfectly civil.

'I know you're a good man, and you do care, but lady Hargreeves doesn't know you the way we do. She thinks you don't like her and don't want to spend time with her. For a very long time, Lady Hargreeves was convinced she wouldn't marry anyone and made her peace with that thinking no one would because of her financial situation but also because they wouldn't like her company. You married her and she tried to reach out, but every time she did you pushed her attempts down,' she said, and he shook her head, 'That's not true.'

Allison titled her head a bit, 'Maybe from your perspective it's not true, but from hers it is. Did you know she only asked for things so she could talk to you? She doesn't know you, she didn't know what to talk to you during dinner or how to get to know you so she asked for dresses and shoes and things she didn't need just to talk to you.'

Five was left speechless trying to recall those first few weeks when she really did ask for things, he rarely saw her use or wear.

'She could have just talked to me,' he said and Allison looked like she wanted to laugh at him but controlled herself, 'In her eyes, you always look too busy or uninterested, and she doesn't know what to talk to you about. Today she was very excited about going to town, but when she came you refused to have dinner with her. In her eyes, it looks like your punishing her for talking to you or going to town. If you continue to do things like that you will only hurt her more,' she said and looked away knowing she said too much when Five found she said very little. He didn't think of it that way. Not once. Yes, he was busy, and he just assumed Vanya was too shy to purchase something without his consent not used to have money at her disposal, but he never thought it was because she didn't know how else to talk to him. As for the visit to town, he was horrified that Allison could be right because that would mean Vanya didn't think she was being punished for talking to him, she would assume she was being punished for kissing his cheek.

'Anything else?' he asked making an effort to sound genuinely interested and not like he was snapping at her.

Allison shrugged her shoulders, 'Just show her more that you care, and she will do the same because she does. More than you might think. She was just hurt growing up too.'

'What do you mean?' he asked startled by the idea that something hurt Vanya, but Allison shook her head, 'Show here you care, she will tell you.'

She then bowed, and he nodded allowing her to leave before looking up at the stairs to his own bedroom. He decided to go to be early as well.

Vanya's breathing was soft but he still tried to call out her name to see if she was awake only pretending to be asleep. She wasn't and he sighed before he confessed, 'I care for you. More than you can imagine. I deeply care for you, my wife, my Vanya. I promise to be a better husband to you.'

He also promised so to himself.

Five woke up the next morning early, but so did Vanya for the first time since she came, her eyes looked at him before she turned to the other side as he had gotten dressed. He wanted to tell her he was sorry. He didn't mean to hurt her feelings, but he needed to work. Maybe not even that he wanted to tell her he didn't know how to put work away. That whenever he felt he was losing himself in the thought of spending more with her and letting go of his grandfather's tendencies the old man came to haunt him. He wanted to tell her all of that and yet felt it was too much of a burden to do so.

His hand reached out from his side against her warm and delicate cheek, and he easily rolled her head toward him. She blinked. Her brown eyes revealed just how surprised he was by his gesture, and it almost got him to smile at how adorable she looked.

It took everything in him not to kissed her on those lips of hers, but he managed and aimed for her forehead feeling her let out a soft sigh before he pulled away knowing if he didn't he would cover her tiny frame with his body and keep her in bed all day.

'I will see you later, my dear.'

He walked away slowly waiting for her to say something, but she didn't. He hoped she was only shocked not startled or disgusted as he went downstairs to find Pogo and give him what he planned for the day.

* * *

Even if since then Five felt like maybe Vanya wanted to kiss him again every time he looked at her she shyly looked away or change the subject of the conversation leaving him confused. Maybe he got it all wrong? Maybe she only wanted to kiss him that one time and now realized she wasn't interested in it anymore. He didn't think she kissed many men in her life. He hoped she didn't. Also maybe she didn't want him to kiss her back. Or was still offended he refused to have dinner with her afterward. Still, he didn't try to kiss her either fearing her reaction, but he made sure to always have dinner with her sometimes lunch unless he was out of the house or somewhere else which was the case of that day.

He had some business down in town which kept him most of the day before he finally arrived only to be stopped Pogo, 'Lady Hargreeves is unwell. The doctor came and said she just needed rest and had very low pressure.'

If he threw a bucket of ice-cold water at him, Five would feel less shocked or panicked than he did now. He rushed to their bedroom only to find Vanya asleep. It wasn't uncommon. He was used to her still being asleep when he woke up or went to bed, but this was the absolute first time he ever so her like this in daylight.

He tried to think if Vanya mentioned anything yesterday during dinner that she wasn't well, but couldn't.

'Did she say anything? Did she ask for anything?' asked Five.

'No, Master Hargreeves, nothing to indicate she was sick,' replied his butler and Allison shook her head before they both bowed and left the room.

Five looked at her again hoping it wouldn't be anything serious as he sat down on the bed next to her and started to stroke her soft brown hair leaving work behind completely and praying that she was alright.

His stomach dropped when he felt just how cold she was and pale. She was always paler, but now she looked almost as pale as his mother when he saw her body sailing next to him in the sea.

He closed his eyes and leaned down kissing Vanya's forehead feeling her weak breathing against his face for a second knowing she was alive.

It felt like hours before she opened her eyes as he was still stroking her hair memorizing every single inch of her face as he never allowed himself to be so close to her for so long. How it all seemed unimportant now. He wouldn't care if he never was allowed to be close to her, or able to talk to her without the lust, or getting to know her, or having her by his side as long as she was alive and well.

Her eyes opened up wide as she watched him. Not scared but curious and surprised.

'How do you feel?' he asked not daring to speak too loudly as if he was afraid the loud noise would upset her.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment, 'Better.'

'Can you tell me what happened?' he asked still stroking her hair.

She grimaced, 'I woke up feeling strange. Not myself, ill.'

'Why didn't you say something?' he asked hoping he didn't sound upset. He was just worried, but he didn't blame her.

It took her a moment just thinking before she confessed, 'I was worried we wouldn't share dinner again. We…we already spent little time as it is.'

She looked out of the window like she couldn't even meet his gaze, and Five knew she was right. They spent an awfully little amount of time together partly because of him.

He didn't say anything because he didn't think there would be anything to say which would smother the situation, but he continued to stroke her head a bit longer until she fell to sleep again hoping to give her some comfort. He hoped it brought her some thinking about how could he make it up to her all.

He ordered the staff to bring them the food to the bedroom. Something small and light for Vanya when she woke up and whatever they had ready for him.

When she woke up she was surprised, but smiled and thanked him to which he told her she didn't have to thank him for anything.

'You know you may ask if you want something,' he told her as they finished.

She caught him off guard when she replied firmly with a look, 'So can you.'

He watched her speechless knowing she couldn't possibly know what was going on in his mind and what he _really_ wanted from her half of the time, but it still got him to think. Perhaps he was underestimating her.

* * *

With so much time on her hands and so little to do even with her walks, the garden, feeding the dog, Vanya started to read. Don't assume anything wrong, Vanya adored reading since she was a child, but her parents' and aunt's libraries couldn't compare to the enormous book collection Five's family had possessed. She had to leave all her books in her aunt's house hidden in the library instead of her bed.

It was another one of those days that seemingly wouldn't end. He first had to deal with Pogo and some issue with the cook and one of the maids. Boring and almost childish affairs. Then there was lunch with Vanya where she with amusement in her eyes told him that if he needed to write his thesis he could which he gratefully accepted. He then had a meeting with some of the other landowners about the overpopulation of wolves in the area which ended for almost three hours because the old ones talked incredibly slow. About three of them stopped him on his way and asked about his wife and married life and when would he and Vanya come for dinner. All of whom wanted Five to marry one of their _obnoxious_ daughters. He came home only to deal with hunters, Pogo, and then the vicar again before throwing himself in his new thesis ordering Pogo that unless the house was on fire or dinner he would not be disturbed.

By the time, he finished or got to a part he could allow himself a break it was very late, and he debated whether to wait an hour or head to bed now. Vanya would surely be tugged under the covers as she usually was, which would allow him a moment to enjoy her sleeping face in the dark and maybe kiss her soft cheek something he started to do whenever he was sure she was asleep. Occasionally, she started him by mumbling something or sighing, but it was obvious she didn't know what he did.

On his way to the bathroom, he noticed the light coming from under the threshold and paused. He allowed anyone who wanted into the library after his grandfather passed, but it was rare any of the staff actually spent time there when they had a day off or break.

He opened the door surprised a bit to find Vanya in the large chair a candle on the table by her side with a book in her hands. He knew she read. Of course, he did. It was the first thing he saw her do when he met her. Well, he saw her carrying books so he was sure she read, but he never caught her reading so late.

'Do you know what time it is?' he asked her and watched as his wife blinked looking around before she closed the book and embarrassed admitted, 'I lost track of time, Sir.'

He walked inside toward her as she started to gather herself to leave for bed before he noticed the title of the book. _Marry Collier_.

So he was right. She was reading books the society didn't approve, surely her aunt didn't know about it.

Five didn't say anything for a moment before he nodded at somewhere behind her, 'There might be a different book which could also interest you, Madam.'

He took the candle and led her to the different corners of the library, the one she had yet to explore where he pointed at a couple of books, 'Sarah Fyge and Marry Wollstonecraft might particularly interest you.'

He turned around to see the blush creeping up her cheeks again admiring how different it looked in the cancel light than it did in daylight.

'I'm sorry,' she said out of habit.

He looked away from the books down to her she looked so small now. She always did, but standing this close in the dark night with only the light of the candle she looked smaller.

'Nonsense, you are the lady of this house. I have no objections to your choices of reading material. In fact, I wouldn't mind knowing what you thought about it,' he said knowing he caught her off guard based on how her brown eyes got wide.

She bit her lip, and Five held his breath finding it the most erotic move she could have made before she started to speak. It was the first time they had a conversation about books, and Five quickly realized it was a mistake since he was absolutely absorbed by her words, ideas, and thoughts.

He couldn't help but chuckle knowing he was an idiot. Everyone Klaus, Pogo, Delores and even Allison, he should have talked with her sooner. He showed her allowed himself to get to know her sooner. Maybe he was a bit tired from the long day and this was just the last straw.

'That's a very accurate assumption. I myself thought the same,' he said hoping his laughter didn't offend her as he felt he couldn't quite push the smirk off his face at the moment.

She let out a nervous chuckle. He never heard her speak this long with him Perhaps, it was all a dream. Before he married Vanya, he used to fall asleep with his head on the desk maybe he was there right now dozing off all of this was a dream. He never made her smile like this before.

He didn't want it to end. He asked her about more books, and authors some more controversial than the others. He asked her everything he could think of not caring if they would sit there for hours as long as she would smile and her eyes would spark whenever he picked a book dear to her or she thought a lot about. He wished at that moment, he had Klaus's ability to draw so he could capture the moment forever.

When Vanya yawned ever so slightly, he knew all good things must come to end. It was time to head to bed for the night.

'You're getting tired?' he asked and nodded only now allowed him to see how her eyes were slowly closing.

'Come,' he said his hand found its way to her lower back feeling her warm against his palm and wondering once again if she wore a corset underneath. It didn't feel that way. It felt like he was touching her too close to her naked skin which made his head spin as he said, 'Let's go to bed.'

Once they were in their bedroom, Five said he wouldn't wake up Allison or any of the other maids as they were long asleep. It was truly late, and the maids most likely already went to bed.

'It's not a problem,' said Vanya some of the sleepiness gone as they walked the stairs and hallway, 'I just…need you to help me with the back of the dress.'

Perhaps, he should have woken the maid after all.

He stepped behind her and gathered her hair before pushing them all over her shoulder to her chest for a moment just admiring the back of her neck wanting to press his fingers against it to feel just how really soft she was.

His heartbeat speeded up at the sight and his thoughts.

His fingers moved over the buttons on the back of her blue dress very slowly undoing them. He could have done it quickly. He could have unbuttoned them and be done with it, but he found himself savoring the moment hearing her breathing speed up a bit, but she didn't say anything to stop him or ask what he was doing.

Once he was done, she had to take a hold of her front so it wouldn't fall right off her, but she didn't cover herself properly or told him to turn around which he took as a good sign. Maybe…just maybe…they could…

'You're not wearing a corset,' he mumbled suddenly as he realized he was right. She wasn't wearing one today and neither was she wearing one when he helped her pet Dog.

'No, I never wear one. I'm too tin, it never fits well,' she said her voice trembling a bit.

'I see,' he said and pressed his palm against her bare back moving from the top to the bottom before he stepped away turning his back to her. She was beautiful. Her skin was pale and pure just as she was even if Five was battling with the desire to pull her closer and kiss her skin to see if she could blush all over her body, he turned around giving her space and time knowing she probably wouldn't appreciate if he all of the sudden startle her like that after months of not even touching her.

Once he stepped away she immediately changed her clothes and rushed under the covers.

Five looked over at her for a second wondering if he should have said something before he quickly followed.

'Are you alright?' he whispered in the dark the second he heard something he thought was a little sob fearing he scared her before. What was he thinking? She asked to help her with her dress and he made her stand there with her bare back for him to watch. He was a horrible husband and a horrible man, and he made her cry.

'Of course, please don't bother yourself with me,' she said after a while but her voice still shocked and revealed that she was upset.

He was quiet for a while before he rolled back to his side and whispered her goodnight not sure what else to do. He should have apologized. He should have said something. He was truly a fool and a terrible man. Maybe he should have let her go. He should have told her that if she wished to leave and go back to her aunt she was allowed to. He would hate not to see her during lunch and dinner just walking around, but if it was would make her a bit happy, he would do it. Klaus was wrong, she didn't want him the same way he wanted her.

When he heard her sobbing increasing, he couldn't stand it anymore. Despite his grandfather's cold upraising, he was also raised by Delores, and he remembered how she held him close when he cried in the night.

He turned back around to her and put his arms around her before he pulled her closer to his chest. He never held anyone like this. On Christmas, he shared brief hugs with Delores and maybe he distantly remembered his mother's embraces, but he never initiated them.

He wasn't sure he was doing a very good job until he felt her put her hands around his arms and press closer to him slowly calming down. She was so soft and small, and above all sad, Five wished to hold her close and protect her from everything including himself.

Tomorrow he would allow her to leave, maybe away from him, she would be happy again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: Thanks for reading and support. To be completely honest with myself, I am a bit dissapointed with this chapter I feel like I left out a lot of things, and didn't capture the tone of what I wanted to show. I still hope you will enjoy it because I couldn't work on it any longer. If you want to leave some feedback.


	3. Chapter 3

When Vanya woke up to the sound of light knocking, she was momentarily confused why didn't her mother just come inside like every morning. Growing up it was typical for her to enjoy sleeping a bit too much every morning until her mother would come inside with the maid slightly annoyed and pull her out to get washed and then brush her hair, so why should she bother knocking now?

It wasn't until she heard the groan from behind her that she fully came to her senses and opened her eyes. Only to realize Five still had his hand over her stomach and was pulling her closer against his chest while sighing into her hair.

She heard him mumble something she couldn't quite make out and before she had time to know about _what_ should she do now, and if she should wake him up or answer the knock another one was heard on the wooden door.

This one caused Five to stir behind her a bit. It took another second however for her husband to let her go and abruptly sit up while she carefully tried to sneak a peek at him.

Vanya was shocked, to say the least. It was the first time in forever that Sir Five Hargreeves overslept. Usually, he was up before her, and already on the move once she came down to the house.

The sun was up already shining brightly into the room from under the cracks in the large curtains as if mocking them for being this late today. It was obvious it was past early morning even if Vanya wasn't sure what time exactly it was.

'Sir, I am very sorry to disturb you, but there's a Mr. Wilkins to see you,' Pogo's apologetic voice came from behind the door when neither of them called out to the butler.

Five and Vanya shared a quick bewilder look. Apparently, she wasn't the only one thrown off by the situation. Five had overslept. Due to the whole situation and the way that Five's hair was a complete mess, her mouth failed her once again to provide something useful about the situation. Should she wish him good morning? Wasn't it a bit late for that?

She then recalled the previous night events and how Five held her while she cried like a child or a hysterical woman. _Dear Lord!_

All of a sudden she really wasn't sure what to say to him feeling the embarrassment about her actions taking hold over her.

Five seemed to be the first one to recover, luckily, and called out, 'Please, apologize to him and escort him to my office. Offer him tea or something,' his voice sounded unsure like he was still confused about all of this while his eyes kept on looking at hers. Finally, he seemed to gain enough sense and look away, 'I'll be there shortly.'

Not waiting time, he quickly stood up and walked to his wardrobe.

Vanya's heart stopped as she watched Five with his back to her carelessly pulling the nightshirt over his head and tossing it to the small sofa nearby.

She found her throat dry as she watched his bare back wondering how would it feel to touch it with her small palm. Her thoughts forced her to feel warm all over, but she didn't dare to toss the covers away and bring Five's attention on her, he pulled on an undershirt and shirt and then tossed his bottom garments standing naked from the waist below in front of her.

She was sure her blush found a new extreme as she watched his behind trying not to breathe too loud. She never…she knew…but she never actually _saw_ any man naked in real life. She found a book once on anatomy, so she knew what to expect, but she never actually saw anyone naked…and she never actually felt the need to…she wasn't even sure _what_ did she need to do, but something inside her almost…it almost seemed to control her and want her to… _do something._

She managed to avert her eyes just in time as Five put on pants and returned to the bed for his shoes while she slowly climbed down from it.

'Could you sent Allison to help me?' she asked knowing she was still red as a cherry all over now even more as she remembered the who helped her undress last night because her maid was already asleep.

Five finished putting on his shoes and rushed toward her stopping just a little bit in front of her.

She remained still looking at him as if for the first time. Gone was the elegant and always in control and perfectly dandy mand. He was still a bit wrinkled like he just was woken up and his hair was nowhere near neat way he usually had it. His eyes were a bit wider today, but still so enchantingly green it almost made her forget why did she even want Allison to come. Even like this, Vanya still found him absolutely handsome.

Five opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, and Vanya's heart speeded up once again as if it secretly knew what it was while her mind was as clueless as ever.

Unfortunately, instead, he nodded and took a step back much to her disappointment. She hoped he would try and touch her again or maybe even…kiss her, but he did neither as he replied, 'Of course.'

She nodded and offered him a grateful nod before he was out of the door. It made her realize once again how much she ruined last night. Five made the first step. He helped her with her dress and touched her causing her to heat up, but she didn't meet him half-way and probably ruined their once chance of being an ordinary married couple.

When Allison came she was grinning at her knowingly, but Vanya didn't have it in her to even try pretend instead just sighing and asking her what dress should she wear today.

* * *

After Five's meeting and her small sole breakfast, Vanya was told by Pogo that her husband wished for her to come to his study.

With Allison smile she wanted to be positive, she really did, but she couldn't help a dreadful feeling to take place in her stomach and grow the closer she walked toward the room until she was finally there when the dread almost caused her to feel physically ill.

'Thank you for coming, Madam, please take a seat,' said Five once she was inside not even looking at her.

Vanya found it impossibly hard to do so even if she obeyed and sat down opposite from him, on the other side of his desk. He seemed to be between works as she recognized some letters he was writing and then the research he made for the university.

'I gave it some thought over the past few days,' he started slowly keeping his eyes on his papers rather than on her which didn't smooth her worries at all, even less so that he was once again using his _formal_ voice with her when just last night she finally got him to talk to her like to an equal, like to a friend, 'and I think it would be beneficial for you to visit your relatives for a while before Christmas at least,' he finished, and Vanya's heart sank to the floor realizing what he was saying, 'I'm certain your aunt would be happy to see you again since it had been quite a few months that you were apart.'

He was sending her away. She messed up last night, and he was punishing her by sending her away. She wasn't good enough. She was a terrible wife, and she failed the one chance she had to make things _good_ between them. She was horrible. Such a disgrace. Her aunt would be furious. People would talk and make up rumors about her. She would deserve them all probably.

She felt the lump in her throat from last night to return, and she quickly tried to swallow it. She couldn't cry again. Not now. What would he think? He would tell her not to come back before Christmas. She was terrible. Simple terrible. Who cried all the time? What kind of a woman was she? She had a husband, who didn't beat her, didn't force her to please him all the time. A husband who didn't have the slightest complaint about her purchasing things she wanted even giving her, her personal study like she needed it, and all she did so far was complain in her mind and cry like a child. He would find her obnoxious and childish and never wish to see her again. Who would want a wife who constantly made mistakes and cried all the time?

_No one. No one would want a wife like her_.

That was what her aunt told her as well, didn't she? After the funeral, she told her how she wasn't rich or pretty enough for anyone to want to marry her out of her circle, and she was right.

'Doesn't that please you?' asked Five still with his head in his notebook adding to her feelings of worthlessness as she didn't even deserve a glance from him.

When she didn't answer, however, he must have realized it as well because his head rose. Even with the tears blurring her vision, she caught the moment her husband realized something was wrong as he stood up, 'What's the matter?'

She shook her head and tried to turn around, stand up and go for the door, but just her luck the lock wasn't working properly again and Five managed to catch up to her.

He stood behind her, 'What's wrong? My dear, what happened?'

When she remained softly crying facing the still closed door for a moment, he took a hold of her elbow and carefully turned her around so they would be face to face, 'Tell me, please, _Vanya_. What is it?'

She was _shocked_ that he used her first name, and she would surely look the part if she wasn't busy trying to stop her tears from running down her cheeks while Five's hand was softly stroking her arm over her long sleeve, ' _Please_.'

She brushed some of them away against her free hand and mentally scolded herself for not bring any handkerchief with her.

He pulled her back to his desk and had her sit down as he kneeled down in front of her almost gently, almost like he cared, almost like he-

'Madam, tell me what's wrong? Aren't you happy to visit your aunt-'

'NO!' she said before she covered her mouth. Shame on her, she did not mean to be this loud. What would he think? What would their staff think of her? She was useless and so horrible. Why was she such a mess? Why couldn't she be more in control about this? She was being ridiculous acting like some…like some lunatic.

Five blinked clearly taken back by the outburst as well, 'So you are happy-'

'I'm sorry,' tried to say even if it came out a bit high pitched with her voice still controlled by her shaking throat.

'Madam, I insist you tell me what's troubling you,' he said switching to a firmer tone for a moment before he took a slight inhale and spoke again almost softly, 'I thought a visit to your relatives you please you.'

She shook her head, and Five let out a frustrated sigh now that made her look away to avoid the upset look he surely carried on his face. He must have been furious now with her and her behavior. Who would want a woman who acted this way?

With her eyes closed now, she had no way of knowing, but she would have sworn she heard him let out a soft chuckle before she felt herself being moved against something warm and solid like last night. Before she knew it her face was buried against his clean jacket and shirt as she continued to quietly sob into his chest while he put his hand around her holding her close.

'You're the most confusing woman I ever met, my darling,' she heard him say in a muted voice probably because she was making too much noise and her ear was covered by his clothing. The word, the familiar way he called her stunned her once again right before it made her feel worse for acting like this.

She then felt his hand lightly brush her back, and she instinctively grabbed a hold of his jacket no doubt wrinkling it with the firm way she held onto him for dear life like if she let go he would be gone. She almost wished she never stopped crying because she couldn't imagine ever looking into his eyes again without utter humiliation about how she was acting.

Unfortunately, she wasn't that lucky, and after a while, she started to calm down enough for Five to carefully pushed her away from him.

She could feel he was trying to catch her gaze, but she purposely focused on her hand still tangled in his clothing than at his haunting green eyes. She didn't want to see disappointment or pity inside them now.

'When do you want me to leave?' she asked her voice just as small as she felt at that moment as she tried to find some courage to let go of his clothing and remain with some dignity.

Five's hand was suddenly around her wrist, but instead of pulling her hand away like she expected he simply kept her in place against his chest before he spoke, 'I thought you would want to go…I…I know you're not happy here.'

She blinked some of the last tears away and finally looked up at him. He wasn't upset. His voice might have been on the same even level as always or possibly carrying a slight mixture of worry and frustration, and his face had the stern formal look Vanya was so used to by now, but his eyes… those green haunting eyes showed her just how much concerned he was. Not angry or upset but concerned and worried about her.

'I am,' she argued trying to find some courage to explain before it would be too late, 'I do not _want_ to go. I do not want to leave here and…,' she hesitated for a moment before she finally confessed, ' and _you_.'

Something soft almost vulnerable flashed behind his eyes and for a moment Vanya wasn't sure if she really saw it or if _this_ right now wasn't once again just their miscommunication getting in the way of things.

'I am happy here, truly,' she continued with somewhat determination before she added, 'But if you do wish that I leave, I will.'

Five's grip on her wrist tightened but like he wished to assure she wouldn't pull away from him not like he wanted to hurt her. His eyes spoke more volume she ever so them before as they burnt into hers, 'I do not want you to leave either, Vanya.'

Her heart skipped another beat at his rare choice of using her first name, 'But I could see you were upset last night and today-'

'But not because of what you might think,' she cut him off quickly. She needed to set things right, 'I was worried I ruined a…moment, and today I acted like a child. I was upset about acting this way not about…,' she wasn't sure how to address it, 'What you might think.'

Five remained silent for a moment his eyes tracing over her face probably seeking if she was being honest, 'Madam, you must not feel that way…I understand our marriage is not the most _ordinary_ one, but I would never pressure you into-'

'You know,' she cut him off again, 'You have been more than respectful and understanding, and in your own way very kind to me, Sir,' she chuckled a bit surprised she found some joy inside her to do so, 'I could not be more grateful for that, but perhaps it also caused me to view and fall into a certain bizarre _normal_ that I should not have. Last night was not me being offended or upset more like scared and surprised. I suppose that since it was a while since our wedding, I got used to the way things were, and I did not know how to comprehend or act at the first glimpse of them changing. I deeply apologize for that.'

Her eyes remained on his, and she wondered if it was really just her mind playing tricks when she thought he looked visibly more relaxed than she ever saw him with the exception of the previous night, 'Madam, you have nothing to apologize. If it is anyone's fault the situation from last night, it is my own.'

She shook her head but felt much more hopeful, 'No. If anything it is on both of us, but I would like to put it past us to move forward.'

'I still feel I am more to blame than you,' he told her and frowned a bit his internal struggle not yet resolved.

Vanya sighed, 'You are not.'

'But I must say I haven't exactly acted as a decent husband to you,' he was still frowning as he said, and she rather had him be his stoic self than to angry with himself like this, 'But you have. You were always decent perhaps _unusual_ but so have I. You…have to forgive me. My parents although married were not the happiest example, and I suppose intimacy is as foreign to me as social encounter are you if I may say so.'

'Yes, I believe you are spot on with that assumption,' he nodded, she felt his thumb lightly rub against the pulse on her wrist that he was still holding in his grip, 'Then we should both try to do _better_ in the future.'

She nodded with a small smile.

A short moment of silent peace passed between them before he finally let go of her wrist, and she offered him a small smile. As they heard one of the servants inform Five of some of his business, Vanya patiently stood by waiting for the servant to leave before she rose to her toes and kissed Five softly on the cheek. Small steps.

He looked down at her blinking again the startled look from before present on his features like she stole something from him, 'Thank you, we will see each other at lunch.'

'Yes,' he agreed too quickly still looking confused before she went to leave him to his work.

* * *

Around the time before lunch, Vanya felt lighter than she had in months perhaps years. It felt very freeing to be able to talk to Five about what bothered her and untangle some of the knots of their misunderstanding. She knew it would not all magically solve itself but recalling the way he held her wrist and let her cry it out both last night and today made her feel delightfully hopeful as if she was a child again. At least now she knew Five had another side to him, one that enjoyed books and intellectual debates and who did not hate her or was annoyed with her as she previously assumed.

When Pogo entered her office, she instantly knew he would inform her about Five absence during lunchtime. She tried to take it neutrally and not seem or feel too bothered. It wasn't a step back. Five was simply busy. He didn't _promise_ her he would eat with her. She was the one who said she would see him at lunch, not him. All her assurance didn't help the small stab of pain she felt in her chest over it, however.

So she dinned alone again trying not to pity herself too much and failing before she went to talk to Allison about their upcoming journey to the town. Once she was done, she played the violin and then went to read another book. It wasn't like she had anything else to do. Maybe she could try to take on a new hobby.

Five came little before dinner. Instead of going to his office the way he would have usually or to give new instructions to the staff, he came to find her.

She was lying across one of the chairs reading when he entered without waiting for her reply to his feverish knocking. He looked stressed and skittish. For a moment, Vanya was concerned something happened as she quickly sat up straight.

However, he corrected her assumption with a slight bow, 'My apologies. I did not mean to miss lunch with you.'

She blinked surprised he realized his doing, 'It is quite alright. I assure you.'

It wasn't, but she did appreciate his apology.

'I made sure not to have any work or interruption during dinner though,' he said, and she smiled knowing she wasn't good in pretending it didn't affect her that he said that.

'That would be lovely, I appreciate it,' she said, and he nodded. His posture changed a bit. Even if he still stood straight and held himself with dignity. Vanya couldn't help but notice how out of place he appeared apparently not knowing what to do now since they still had some time before dinner. If he really did all his work and cleared his busy schedule, he probably really did not know what to do with himself.

'Would you like me to read to you?' she asked surprised herself she asked that in the first place.

He blinked puzzled rivaling her surprise before he nodded and walked closer. He took the chair on her left.

She wanted to chuckle at how stiffed he looked sitting straight as if she was a tutor who he needed to impress.

'Alright,' she said before she started where she left off. She wasn't too far, and it was a series of poems so Five didn't miss anything crucial. He listened to her for the remaining of the next hour before Pogo announced dinner time.

He looked almost upset at the old butler for interrupting them, but maybe she was just reading too much into it.

'You have a very musical voice, my dear,' he said finally once Pogo was out of the earshot.

She shook her head with a chuckle not able to thank him for the praise. Their dinner was spent by talking about the author and then about other poems before they wished to how Five's day was and what happened. By the time, they finished he looked a bit surprised it was close to bedtime which made Vanya smile.

He gave her space so that Allison could help her undress before he came to do so himself.

Vanya wondered maybe a bit hopeful yet nervous if something would change tonight, but Five offered her a good night and made the room go dark. However, once they were under the covers, he reached out and pulled her closer again keeping her back warm against his chest, his breath almost like a lullaby against her ears. Small steps indeed.

* * *

With very little to do, Vanya started to play her violin again. Since for a while she thought she needed to rely on herself rather than a husband, she chose this as some means of small income. She was always good at it and enjoyed teaching young children.

If her husband minded, he didn't say anything and neither did anyone else except for Allison who often praised her.

However, the violin was in her possession for a while now so when it started to break down she with care set it aside. She almost requested a new one but didn't have the heart to get rid of the old one or explain why it was important. She also doubted Five would understand the story.

After a week since she nicely tugged it into the case and spent those times on long walks around the land, Five caught her off on the stairs.

'Sir?'

'Madam,' he watched her for a moment neither of them saying anything since it was him who looked at her like he wanted to discuss something.

'May I join you for a walk today?' he asked, and Vanya almost needed to pinch herself if it was true before she nodded and mumbled a soft _of course_. It wasn't as strange or uncomfortable as it used to be whenever they were alone. Now they talked more and genuinely wanted to spend time together. At least in Vanya's opinion, they did. Apart from lunches and dinners, Five often came to the lounge to hear her read him out loud poetry. It was progress. Everything they did showed her that he really tried to make her feel welcome and like their marriage wasn't strange. And above all she could he that he did his best to show he _cared_.

The walk was a bit bizarre though. They hadn't spoken since they were both enjoying the nature around them, but Vanya had this nagging feeling that Five wished to discuss something. It took him almost to the end of the road to start.

'You haven't played for quite some time,' said Five causing her to blink surprised before she nodded, 'Yes.' She didn't think he noticed or anyone really.

He frowned a bit at her lack of response looking bothered by something, 'Did something happen?'

'No,' she replied calmly, 'the strings are getting used and the sound isn't right,' she explained knowing exactly what would follow.

'You can purchase a new violin.' She was right. She would like to think she knew him a bit better now. Maybe she did.

'I know, I just like this one. I had it for a long time, and it's close to my heart,' she tried to explain wondering what could the strange look in his eyes mean.

He let the subject at that but talked about other things. It felt good to be able to talk to him even more that now their conversation felt a bit freer than before if they were alone. The formal tone was slowly fading away from his voice, and every now or then Vanya caught the relaxed and satisfied look on his face even a small smile.

It filled her heart with joy to know he was comfortable enough around her to be like that since from the very beginning she only wished for them to be open around each other and maybe friends.

When he offered her his hand to help her across some tree trunk, she felt like they truly could be one day.

* * *

Five didn't change. It wasn't anything drastic and visible for the outside eye, so Vanya was sure no one else noticed the slight alterations in his behavior that she has. Five didn't change so why would anyone notice anything?

It wasn't anything she thought the others noticed until Allison's comment.

'Someone seems to be in a good mood,' she said as she and Vanya were in the lounge and Five left to go take care of some business.

Vanya blinked surprised by the comment. Sure, _she_ noticed that her husband was a bit…more _relaxed_ even if that still meant he had his reserved expression on his face as he walked around the household and lands giving orders and dealing with things. He was still very pragmatic about everything and showed nothing but formality and professionalism toward the staff, farmers, his partners or associates, but every now and then…and only when it was just them alone he seemed to have lost his straight posture and allowed some other part of him to take charge. A part that was more open and free of all that he bared on his shoulders, and the part that didn't shy away from taking her hand or sitting close to her as she read him out loud works of foreign poets. She thought she was the only one who noticed this change inside him since outside of the closed door, he acted as always. But perhaps she was wrong.

Allison chuckled at her puzzled look, 'Don't even try it, my Lady, we all know this is your doing.'

She had enough tact to look away, but the smile still found its way over her lips which only served Allison to chuckle some more. Vanya let her off with it just this once because she only made her day with such a statement.

* * *

Due to not playing Vanya forgot all about her violin for a while, and felt a bit embarrassed that she didn't notice it was misplaced until Five brought it to her one early afternoon.

She blinked confused when he asked her to open it but did so only to gaps in surprise. He had the old violin fix and cleaned so now it looked very like if not better as the day her father bought it to her.

It was too much. The instrument itself was expensive, and she was sure to bring it to such a peak condition had to be even more so.

She couldn't contain herself. Turning around she took the final step toward him and threw her arms around his neck while balancing her body on her toes, 'Thank you.'

She swore she heard him chuckle a bit before she felt his hands supporting her back lightly but with a certain warmth that went through her whole body.

'It's beautiful,'

He pressed her a bit firmer against him upon hearing her say that.

* * *

'Lady Hargreeves, come quick!' Vanya heard coming from the downstairs as she was writing a letter to her aunt one day.

She was so startled by what could have possibly happened she almost fell down the stairs as she watched a few men carry Five up.

'What happened?' she demanded upon seeing him already rushing to their bedroom opening the door for them. She saw the little puddles of water and drops following them on the carpet and up close she could see Five's coat and clothes were completely wet.

'One of the farmers' boy fell through the ice in the lake. Sir Hargreeves jumped after him, but he went into the shock from the low temperate once he came out,' explained Luther as he settled him on the bed.

'Quickly bring the bathtub and get water but don't boil it,' she said with a warning, 'Make it lukewarm so he doesn't have a cardiac arrest,' she walked toward him and started to push off his damp coat which weighted with the extra water almost three times more.

She worriedly glanced at the red marking on his fingers and neck. She briefly remembered once sitting next to a doctor during her parents' party who spoke about frostbites how when they turn black the tissue was dying.

The maids brought the tub and the water, and Pogo instructed the men to carefully lowered Five into the tub. He was still shaking and his lips were unnaturally blue.

Once his body sank under the water up to his neck, his eyes flew open and he started to trash.

'No, Five, stop!' she said and quickly reached for his hand pressing her lips against his cool skin as before she continued, 'It's alright. This will help. I'm here. You're safe now.'

He took in a sharp breath and closed his eyes again his lips trembling and quick noises coming from his mouth but no one was capable of understanding them.

They left him in the water until it ran cold, and his voice started to work again as she heard him say her name.

'It's alright, my love, I am here,' she said without thinking before the men once again picked him up and carried him to be. Along with another maid, Vanya stripped the rest of his clothes and put new and dry ones on him before she buried him into the covers. Pogo already order someone to add more wood into the fireplace so the whole room was hotter than on the warmest summer day.

'Vanya,' spoke Five again, and she found his hand under the covers squeezing his fingers looking at his worried face, 'All is well, I'm here.'

Eventually, one by one their servants left them until it wasn't just her and him in the room.

She properly sat on the bed tossing her shoes somewhere under it before she pulled Five closer resting his head on her skirts rather than the pillow. She had a horrible thought that if she wasn't looking at him he would stop breathing, and she wouldn't notice.

Only once he seemed to slip into sleep or unconsciousness again did Vanya realize her heart was beating so fast it could be heard in the room along with the only other sounds of Five's breath and the cracking of the fireplace.

She brushed his cheek with her free hand and let out a small sigh only now fully able to grasp the concept of what happened and what could have happened.

They said Five jumped into the frozen lake to rescue some boy. For someone who always seemed to wait and plan three steps ahead, her dear husband did not think this through.

She blushed a bit now as she was more or less sure he was alright, remembering what she said to him. Near the heaven's gate or not she found it a bit embarrassing the servants heard her call him so gently and familiar as she did.

Five didn't stay dead to the world long as it felt only an hour had passed before his eyes slowly opened, 'Vanya?'

'I'm here, Five. I'm here,' she said and brushed his cheek softly again. Either she got used to the cold, or he wasn't as cold as he was before.

He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment before he opened them again. He tried to sit up as she expected but she pushed him down, 'No, rest, please.'

Again he let out another sigh but nodded, 'What happened? How is the boy?'

'Pogo told me. He's in a similar condition to you. The doctor is taking care of him right now since I told them you would not appreciate it if they sent him here first.'

His eyes closed for a moment and Vanya saw a tiny hint of a smile appear on his lips, 'You're starting to know me too well, my dear.'

She didn't feel like smiling, but she did if only for him to see, 'And yet, you seemed to not know me at all if even for a moment you think I would be alright with you dying even if saving a child.'

Five opened his eyes looking at her for a moment with an unreadable expression, 'I apologize for worrying you.'

'I accept but only with a promise you will not engage in such risky rescues ever again,' she said and tapped her finger against his cheek for good measures.

He snuggled a bit against her skirts, 'I will do my best not to cross you again.'

'Good,' she mumbled and started to stroke his cheek and hair again, 'It was not a pleasant experience.'

Five opened his mouth to say something when the doctor came into the room without a knock. Apparently Doctor Diego was an old friend of Five's as he similarly to Vanya expressed his deepest umbrage with Five's careless behavior only in a less nice way.

'My apologies for the language, Lady Hargreeves,' bowed the doctor a bit once called down, 'I must say you did an excellent job. I can't imagine Sir Hargreeves to have any permanent damage or reminder of today's adventure. You acted quickly and very cleverly.'

Vanya blinked, 'Thank you, but the credit goes to all of the staff and Pogo.'

'Who all already agreed you did a good job as well,' said the doctor with a small smile before he once again shot Five a look with a warning, but ended with a friendly goodbye.

'You two are friends?' she asked resuming to stroking his now dry hair, 'Yes. Growing up we were close I suppose. His family lived nearby. When my grandfather was away or occupied, I was allowed to cross the field and play with him,' he said his eyes flashing a strange look behind them.

Vanya hummed at that and watched as Five was taken away by his memories.

When he looked up at her his expression was hard to read, but his eyes remained soft the way they sometimes did when he was talking to her, 'Again, I am sorry to scare you like that. I was not thinking. I simply acted.'

She nodded, 'I know, and I am glad you saved the boy even more without even stopping by to consider your own health or life. It once again proves you are a very good man even if you do not let others see it directly. It's just like you said. You scared me. It was very…chilling and terrifying to see you like that.'

Five closed his eyes again for a moment he was silent before he spoke again, 'It wasn't scary when I jumped or when I got to the boy and started to pull him out, but once he was safely on the ice, the cold hit my body completely and for a moment…it felt like when the ship crashed.'

Vanya didn't dare to stop stroking his hair although for a brief moment her fingers tried to stop upon hearing this. Five never spoke about what happened. Not once.

'I see,' she said carefully, 'I imagine that must have been worse than horrible, nightmarish even.'

Five opened his eyes but instead of her he looked somewhere to the side, 'I do not recall much of that day. I remember the bell rang as there was a situation on the ship. I didn't know what was happening just that my mother and father took me, and we were forced to the emergency lifeboat. However, then there was a sound like a crash and I remember falling and everyone screaming,' his voice drifted on, 'It was the same. At first, I didn't feel cold, and then it was like it reached every part of my body right up until the bones. I think I panicked and started to trash, but it had only gotten worse, and then I thought I was drowning. I do not know if someone saved me or I just ended up on the land by myself, but the first thing afterward was seeing Delores's face as she took care of me and feed me warm soup. That was two days after the crash.'

Her fingers tried to be as gentle as possible. It sounded horrible really. She couldn't imagine a little boy going through something like that. It…it told her a lot about him and how he acted. 'Five, I'm so sorry about that.'

He nodded, and then surprised her when his lips moved into the most thrilling and terrifying smirk she ever saw, 'I heard you say my name before, but I thought it wasn't real. I like how you say it.'

She could feel her cheeks warming up, but she tried to brush it off, 'I like when you use my name as well.'

'Then, I suppose in the privacy of our rooms we could address one another with them, Vanya.'

'Yes,' she smiled a bit already feeling she adored the smirk whenever his lips said her name, 'Five, I believe we could do that.'

He watched her silently for a bit before he brought took her hand and turned her palm toward his face. His lips were still a bit cold, but the kiss was gentle and filled with gratitude, and dare she say affection.

'Five,' she said again, and his eyes sparked a bit, 'I apologize. I still feel my lips are cold.'

'It's not unpleasant,' she assured him keeping her other hand in his hair.

He kept her hand close to his face as he spoke somewhat looking away as if thinking, 'I should probably warm them up.'

She blinked feeling her heartbeat echoing in the room again almost sure Five could hear it as well. She waited a bit looking at him, but as if on purpose he kept on looking to the side. Maybe he was giving her space, she wasn't sure, but she knew that if…if something really happened to Five today. She would regret it deeply.

Carefully moving yet keeping his head against her skirt and leg underneath she leaned closer to his face, 'How do you propose we do that, Five?'

He barely rose from his position to reach her.

His lips were cold against her, but the feeling of warmth that spread inside her made up for it.

The fingers of his free hand tangled into her hair on their own and Vanya couldn't imagine it feeling better until Five didn't break the kiss to sit up and title her head a bit. Everything outside _stopped_ and everything inside her _just started._

That was better.

_So much better_.

* * *

With the passing time, Vanya started to wonder what sort of gift she should have for Five for the upcoming Christmas. She couldn't really imagine anything he would want or enjoy. Everything he wanted he could afford or get himself even when he did mention of getting something, he already made the necessary steps to get it. It was a bit vexing if she was being completely honest with herself. Given how good things were between them now, she was sure Five would be grateful for whatever she would give him, but it wasn't enough. Vanya wanted to give him something he would truly _adore_.

Eventually, she decided to turn to the person she assumed knew Five the well. With Allison's help, she managed to get the address. She hoped her rusty French would be adequate, and sure enough in two weeks, she received a letter back from the woman.

Delores was touched by her writing her on her own, and with how softly her letter sounded so was Vanya. They discussed a lot of things without revealing Five's secrets or betraying in trust until Vanya eventually wrote to her.

_Please be so kind, and come stay with us throughout the whole month of December. Five will be thrilled._

He already asked her if Delores could come for Christmas so she didn't think it would be the worse idea to have her here for a bit longer.

Sure enough, Delores agreed, and Vanya couldn't deny herself the secret smile that was pushing at her lips every night and then. It must have been too noticeably since Five came to stand close to her as she was feeding Dog and whispered suspiciously, 'Why is it that every time I look at you, you seem to be in a royally delightful mood?'

She tried not to grin too much as she replied, 'It's a secret.'

His brows raised at that, but he didn't push.

'Keep your secrets, Vanya. But you should know I have every intention to sooner or later figure out every last one of them,' he told her, and she knew her cheeks showed her blush and heart.

He kissed her temple and spent the time with her around Dog a bit longer probably trying to deduce what her secret was. Such a good husband she had.

Once December 1st arrived so did Delores, and if Vanya could keep only one memory of her husband's it would be the moment, he came walking down the stairs and spotting the French woman being led inside by Pogo and her. If she had told him the sky turned green, she probably wouldn't have shocked him as much as she had just then.

His mouth was left open for a second before he came rushing down, 'Lady Delores, what a lovely surprise.'

'I would hope so,' she replied with a calm smile herself, 'Lady Vanya invited me for the whole month.'

That was when Five's eyes jumped over to her, and Vanya beamed brightly at him watching as realization flashed behind his eyes.

She would assume he would go over and bow to the woman or take her hand or even hug her, but instead, he instantly walked toward her.

Vanya blinked surprised as Five took her hand into his and led her closer to Delores, 'Madam, allow me to introduce your rival for the title of the most brilliant woman in the world, my wife Lady Vanya Hargreeves.'

She giggled a bit nervous since such words from Five surprised her. She was sure her cheeks revealed her blush again.

They shared lunch for hours almost to the point it became dinner talking about Delores's village, Five's childhood there and present. Delores was a truly wonderful woman even in person. She seemed to be very happy about Vanya.

All through it, Vanya was surprised that Five continued to hold her hand as often as possible. She briefly wondered if wasn't for Delores's benefit, that Five was trying to show that they had a loving and normal marriage.

However, once they parted for the night, alone in their room pressed his hands against her cheeks still in a good mood and looking truly grateful, 'Thank you.'

She smiled realizing he was just so grateful he couldn't contain himself.

When he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers she wasn't even all that surprised and made sure to control her breathing for the first few moments before she got lost in the sensation of his lips against hers.

His lips were soft and his hands warm, and Vanya didn't think she ever had a happier 1st of December.

* * *

After Christmas, they came to spend some time with Sir Klaus and his mother. Delores liked London although she did confess it was a bit too much for her and that she missed her peace from the village. Her visit was slowly coming to an end, and it was obvious Five would miss her even if he acted the same way he always did. Vanya would like to think she knew him better than anyone.

'I can see things are better now,' said Sir Klaus as he caught her on her own near the end of their first day.

She couldn't help but nod with a small smile, 'It is. Thank you.'

He tried to act as if he didn't know what she was talking about, but with looks he was throwing at Five, Vanya guessed he had some hand in the reason Five started to slowly open up to her after his visit that one time.

Once they went to their rooms since, after their arrival, they instantly went to discover the city, Five and Vanya paused eyeing the two beds surprised.

'Oh,' she let out ridiculously and blushed at the immatureness.

On the other hand, Five looked upset even if he said it would be fine.

Sometime during the night, Vanya let out a long sigh and rolled on the bed one more time hearing the annoying squeaky sound. She wondered if perhaps the old Lady of the house didn't have the guest beds like this purposely to know whenever someone was leaving the bed or perhaps doing something they shouldn't.

'Can't sleep?' she heard Five ask in the bed next to hers and she shook her head trying to do so without moving the whole bed, 'No, I am not used to this.'

'New place?' he asked, but there was something like fake innocence or teasing perhaps in his voice.

She decided not to play the game and simply say, 'Two beds.'

He was silent for a moment, and she wondered if perhaps, she now made him uncomfortable before she heard his bed also squeak and then his soft footsteps follow to hers, 'Come on, move a bit to the wall.'

She blinked surprised, 'Oh?'

'It's a small bed, and you're a small woman. We can fit,' he said and she more than happy obeyed smiling all the time as he carefully moved behind her as close as possible. Since the bed was only meant for one person and was so much smaller than hers, he was pressed far closer to her than before.

'Is this alright?' he asked as he had to put one of his arms around her and another above her head just so he would not fall off the bed.

'Very much so, ' she said and pressed herself more against the wall, already feeling better as she felt his arm over her stomach so securely remembering the first time he held her when she cried that one night that seemed so long ago.

'This is nice,' she said yawning a bit and felt Five's nose press against her neck, 'Yes, very.'

The last thing she recalled was him pressing his lips there soundly.

* * *

With one day left, Delores picked up a time when Five was busy taking a short walk with Vanya around the house.

'You changed him,' she said instantly they were out of the door. She looked glad when she said it the way a mother would once she was sure her child would be alright. She clearly loved Five deeply.

'He's happy. I used to think…I used to think this place, his work, his grandfather's legacy would ruin him make him cold like he was, but,' she shook her head still smiling slipping from the English language to French, 'You changed him, and now he's happy. You made him human again. You make him feel things. He loves you so much,' she told her, and Vanya tried not to show her disappointment that she said it. She knew Five had to feel for her something. It was obvious from the change in their marriage and relationship, but she wasn't sure it was _love_. Perhaps affection or friendship. Maybe he even wouldn't mind to fulfill their marriage once and have…children? But love seemed a bit too much in Vanya's opinion at least on his side.

As for her, she knew she loved for sure the moment he suggested she leave. The pain and sorrow she felt she could only compare to loving someone so much the simple thought of losing them was…heartbreaking on its own.

She wasn't complaining. She was grateful for the change and for what they had now. She didn't need more from him. But if she was completely honest with herself it did feel nice to hear Delores, who was like a second mother to Five say it.

Bittersweet but nice all together.

* * *

Once the winter ended, Vanya could officially admit to herself, their marriage was pleasant. They managed to create their little rituals. Dinning together while discussing their days and literature, Vanya reading to him if he had some free time before dinner, walks around the land, and ever since the time she played for him and Delores on Christmas Eve listening to her playing.

'It's very helpful in my productivity,' he told her after the third time she played for him, 'It helps me think.'

She beamed taking it as the highest of praises coming from him.

The most important thing that happened since their beginnings were that they _talked_. It had opened discussions as if they were old friends knowing they could speak freely not minding the firm formally as they did at the beginnings.

Once she returned from feeding Dog who now wouldn't let her leave unless she played with him for a bit, Pogo informed her, the dressmaker brought her new dress, and it was waiting for her in their bedroom.

'There is a box on the bed,' commented Five as they met in the hallway.

'It's the new dress, but it's Allison's day off so I will try it tomorrow,' she explained, and Five blinked, 'Is it truly essential for Allison to be present for you to try it on?'

Vanya felt herself blushing, 'I…I'm comfortable around Allison the most…', she said but quickly added, 'from the maids.'

Five was silent for a moment the notebook in his hand suddenly the most interesting object in the room as he looked down at it, 'I see.'

She nodded to herself as she couldn't really ask him to help her. Their relationship was good now much better than before. They were more open to touches and kisses, but as she once told him it felt like they missed a step when they got married. They never were in the whole courting affair and although Vanya wasn't sure what would it include, she figured their soft and slow displays of affections could have been a part of it.

'Allow me to help then,' he said all of the sudden, and Vanya barely managed to not to show her surprise, 'If you would be so kind.'

* * *

Five stepped behind her, and her body stilled a bit as she recalled the night so long ago he helped her undress as well. This time, when it happened, she took in a deep breath and let the nervosa and strange pressure inside her lower belly wash over her.

His fingers were just as soft as they were that night. He moved her over her shoulder lightly brushing it with his fingers which made her smile a bit.

'You have lovely hair,' he commented with a voice a bit husky. She heard it a couple of times now usually if they slept very close to one another in the dark. She liked it a lot.

'Yes, it goes nicely with my ordinary eyes,' she said and waited for him to start on the buttons, but instead, he paused his work and said, 'I can assure you there is absolutely nothing ordinary about you, my dear.'

With those words echoing in the room, she very slowly turned around and looked at him. His face was soft, the stoic look was gone, but his eyes…his eyes carried a different look, a hungry one.

'Was that the reason you decided to marry me, Sir Hargreeves?' she asked not even sure how did she come up with such a thing to ask but looking at him now with just the two of them in the middle of the day she felt braver than she had maybe ever.

His hand was suddenly pressed against her waist, and Vanya felt blush rush into her cheeks once again.

His lips revealed a short smirk that made her heart speed up every time she caught a glimpse of it which was becoming quite often lately, 'I married you because the first time I met you blushed just like now,' his other hand reached out and stroke her cheek probably were red from the mention blush before they moved lower to her throat causing a shiver run down her back but not in an unpleasant way, 'and you swallowed a bit, and I wanted nothing more than to touch your neck with my lips.'

She blinked with an open mouth all courage gone as she had no idea _how_ to respond to such a confession.

Five let his hand fall from her neck, but kept the other one on her waist, 'And the thought that someone else would have done it just…stirred something very unnatural inside me.'

Vanya was left to just watch him without a single word because what could she possibly say to that? Not to mention it brought her thoughts into a storm of chaos wondering and thinking and overthinking. She spent endless hours trying to find the reason _why_ , why would Five marry from all the women _her_. He didn't know her. He met her once. He didn't want to spend time with her before. He didn't seem to be interested in her physics. She wasn't pretty. She couldn't prove to him that she was intelligent when they didn't talk. She wasn't interesting. She didn't have money and her title surely didn't interest him.

So here it was. The answer. Plain and simple, and Vanya couldn't figure out how to respond other than grip the side of Five's suit and step onto her toes.

He met her halfway. The dress was forgotten as Five bruised her lips with his heated kisses before one of the servants didn't announce that he needed to attend an urgent matter.

She knew it was anything but ladylike when she giggled at the curses that came out of Five's mouth both in English and French languages.

One final kiss and he was out of the door no doubt giving the messenger the worst task for the day while Vanya continued to lay on top of the bed looking at the ceiling with a smile on her face. She was sure the last time she felt that happy was when she was a child and thought her parents had a happy marriage, and she would always have a good life. Now she started to believe it again. Not all marriages could be happy ones. She knew that, but she had a feeling hers just as well could be.

* * *

It changed things between them. It didn't happen that night because Five got held up until the late night and despite her best effort, she fell asleep waiting for him.

'Five,' she mumbled sleepily as she felt the bed shift with his weight.

'Sleep, Vanya,' he replied and pulled her closer. She was too tired, but it still made her sigh a bit annoyed like a child, 'Tomorrow then.'

She heard his chuckle loud and clear although she was halfway in the land of dreams by then.

* * *

'Can you ever forgive me?' he asked when he broke the kiss his shirt somewhere on the ground his eyes suddenly _so worried_. If Vanya didn't know better, she would think he was just a boy not a master of this whole house, and lands around it commanding everything with a pragmatic and intelligent mind and making everything better with his ideas and firm approach.

She looked at him confused brushing his hair her breathing so loud now, 'For what?'

'For marrying you even though you didn't love me for…for forcing you to be forever with me even though you didn't know me or wanted me or-'

Her lips against his in a deep kiss silenced him at last.

When she leaned away, and once again she brushed his hair smiling up at him, 'You're a ridiculous man, my love.'

His eyes widened with the choice of her words as if she revealed the greatest secret to him or told him something outrageously impossible.

Vanya shook her head pulling him closer while mumbling against his lips, ' _Ridiculous_.'

* * *

Afterward, when she laid against his chest listening to his heartbeat holding his hand while he occasionally pressed a kiss against hers looking above them, Vanya couldn't help but wondered if it wasn't a great scheme of things. Maybe it was all meant to happen the way it did for them to be here naked in each other's arms.

_I love you_

_I love you since I first laid my eyes on you_

* * *

Allison noticed it while she was helping Vanya out of a bath. At first, she was a bit offended by the suggested that her chest had changed, but with more questions from the maid, Vanya decided to go see the doctor with the pretense to go to the market with Allison to have a new robe made for the summer.

The doctor confirmed it, and Allison and she spent the rest of the day arranging for the dressmaker to make her dresses a bit looser.

She didn't tell Five right away. She changed her clothes and went to his office catching him in the middle of his work for the university.

'Did you manage to fulfill all your errands, my dear?' he asked her giving her only a brief glance at the beginning before lowering his eyes back to his notebook and notes.

It didn't annoy her as much as it used to, as she learned to accept his dedication to work. It was one of the reasons she fell in love with him after all.

She walked around the table slowly, 'Yes, I think I even managed to find you the perfect birthday gift.' It was true. Thanks to Delores, she knew his birthday and convinced him to make a small gathering of their closest friends.

He sighed, but she saw the small smile on his face as he spoke, 'Whatever it is I'm sure it will be very generous and lovely, but I already told you. I have you as my wife, and I _finally_ managed to convince Klaus to invest with me in our new project. I have everything I could ever want. I don't need anything more.'

She grimaced a bit at his choice of words and took his hand that wasn't holding a pen in hers.

It caused him to look up at her with a calm stoic look on his face probably misinterpreting her gesture as something a simple act of affection.

Vanya very slowly but firmly pressed his palm against her stomach with a knowing smile waiting for him to catch up.

Something in his eyes changed as he kept on looking at her and his eyes dropped to their hands on her stomach. A moment had passed and then another before Five's eyes widened and he opened his mouth taking in a sharp inhale.

'You have made a liar, dear wife,' he said and stood up much to her delight as dropped the pen and buried his other hand into her hair before leaning down for a slow and loving kiss.

'Once again you made me a liar. You made me say I never wanted or needed anything else,' he said and let his thumb gently stroke her stomach while looking into her eyes with such joy she almost didn't recognize her husband, 'Just like you did when all those years I used to claim I never wanted a wife or to get married.'

She chuckled amused and feeling very light because of the news, 'So I make a liar out of you. I guess I'm not a very nice wife then.'

He shook his head and leaned down again radiating with the same joy she felt inside her heart, 'No, you're the nicest,' he kissed her again, 'and the sweetest,' another kiss, 'and wisest,' and another, 'and the most brilliant one anyone including myself could ask for.'

Vanya had to force her smile to fall down a bit to allow him to kiss her properly his work left forgotten on the table while their hands never separated from her stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: Thank you so much for the support you showed this story. I am really excited you all enjoyed it so much. I tried to finish the chapter sooner, but I really couldn't find the right ideas for how to finish until now. Anyway, stay safe and take care. I will try to work on Five's POV next. Have a nice day


	4. Chapter 4

Ever since he was a little boy waking up early in the morning was something, Five grew accustomed to. His grandfather liked to start the day as early as possible since having an estate and responsibilities always kept him a busy man. Five just like his father before the accident was working to one day inherit the place and therefore had to follow his grandfather's rules and quirks.

Five didn't mind waking up early to be completely honest. Even before all that happened, Five liked the idea that if he was awake he wouldn't miss out on anything happening around him and would be able to do more during the day compare to nothing he could while he was asleep. However, after grandfather died and Five became the heir to the estate and all the responsibilities, he found out it was rather practical to get up as early as possible and work his way through everything that needed to be done. It used to fill his days and gave him enough of a purpose not to get too overwhelmed by his loneliness.

The only times he ever seemed to catch a break from all of that was back when he used to live with Delores. Her house wasn't big and since he was still a child, he shared the bed with her. In her house, it was hard to wake up at times as her bed was always warm due to having a second body inside it and always felt so soft like Five was sleeping on a cloud. He didn't remember his bed ever being so comfortable before or after his time with his adoptive mother in France.

When he started to wake up that morning, he found it _impossible_ to open his eyes. It was a new experience for him. Even though he often went to bed late, he was never as tired as someone else might have been. It worked for Five rather well that way.

However, waking up with this wonderful feeling of softness and warmth denied his eyes the ability to open up properly and forced his consciousness to try and carry on with the feeling of absolute bliss he was experiencing in the state between asleep and awake.

' _How soft_ , _'_ he tried to say out loud but wasn't sure if he managed.

For a few moments, Five thought he was a little boy back in France laying on the bed next to Delores. He could clearly feel someone else's presence on the bed, and he never remembered the bed being this nice to wake up to at home. His hands were wrapped around someone, who was nicely warm and tender everywhere Five touched them. He used to cuddle with Delores as a child homesick and grieving the loss of his parents, but it never felt like this.

He moved his face further into what his sleepy head told him where someone's hair realizing the smell was familiar and comforting while his hands brought whoever was the source of such wonderful scent, body heat, and softness closer against his chest.

_Heavenly_

It all felt heavenly. It felt too good to open his eyes, and Five was sure he could manage to lay like this in the wonderful bliss of the moment for a bit longer if there wasn't a _pesky_ knock on the door that caused him to stir awake completely.

He mentally damned whoever was knocking and disrupting what was the most wonderful feeling he ever experienced. The knock was loud enough to wake Five up completely though, and without any other excuses, he was forced to let go of the wonderful feeling both mentally and physically and sat up.

Despite this, it took Five a moment to gather his thoughts and what was happening.

_He overslept._

The sun was already high enough to throw sharp sun rays through the spots the curtains didn't cover.

This should have probably shocked him the most because ever since he returned from France he _never_ overslept always awake before dawn. Partly because of all those reasons why he liked to wake up early, but also because he was a bit scared of what grandfather might have done if he did. The man could be cold and cruel.

However unlikely him oversleeping was, what truly shocked him was the fact that the cause of the body heat that lullabied him to sleep, the wonderful scent that softened his senses, and the body softness that made him want to hold onto it forever was his wife _Vanya_.

It shouldn't have shocked him as much as it did. They were husband and wife for a while now, and at times it happened that they crossed each other's sides even on the large bed touching one another. Five woke up to it many times with Vanya's fingers on his shoulder gently pressed against his sleeve without her realizing. Such brief and tender touches alone were maddening for his lustful and sinful mind, but _this_? To hold her, had her pressed against his chest possibly for a longer time than just those few moments that he woke up perhaps the whole time they were asleep was almost like a delirium for him.

He recalled the events from last night. How they bonded over the books he noticed she was interested in that first day he saw her and decided to have her. Then they moved to the bedroom, and with all the maids asleep he helped her with her clothes. He also remembered that for a brief moment, it looked like something of intimate nature might happen between them before Vanya got upset for some reason and started to cry. Did she hate him? Did the idea of being with him truly cause her such sorrow? Disgust her? It pained him to think that, but what other clues he had to go on?

If that was the case, Five had no other choice than to allow her to leave. He already felt bad about everything he did. He caused her so much distress. He took her from her home and forced her to live by the rules in a house she didn't know. He tried to get her to feel welcome, but it didn't often feel like he wasn't a good job. He knew it was his own fault. It was hard to open up to her, and he was afraid. He was afraid if he showed her just how _massively_ much he wanted her, she would be horrified and ran away. That was something he never wished to happen, and yet it did happen last night when they took a step back from each other. Vanya was the definition of perfection. She was soft and kind. She wasn't stubborn or selfish or anything he would expect a woman of her status to be. She was the true definition of a lady through and through and Five knew with his horrible manners and behavior he would never be enough to deserve her.

'Sir, I am very sorry to disturb you, but there's a Mr. Wilkins to see you,' Pogo's apologetic voice came from behind the door when neither of them called out to the butler. To be honest Five forgot the old man was there or that there even was a knock, to begin with.

Five and Vanya shared a quick bewilder look.

It didn't help his feelings or their situation that she looked completely _ravishing_. If Five's self-control wasn't as good as it was, he would have pushed her back into the covers and kiss her tracing that adorable blush of hers with his mouth and teeth. She was stunning. All wrinkled nightgown and messy hair, red lips, and wide-open coffee beans eyes. It was enough to make him lose his mind.

He felt like a madman once again. He needed to get over it. He was already running late with today's chores and obligations not to mention leaving a man waiting for him because he _overslept_ due to the comforting body of his wife.

_How embarrassing!_

Five pushed his mind away from such thoughts called out, 'Please, apologize to him and escort him to my office. Offer him tea or something,' his voice sounded unsure like he was still confused about all of this while his eyes kept on looking at hers. _Her beautifully_ wide-open eyes just as shocked by all of this as he felt. He wanted to carry on looking into them for the rest of the day, for the rest of his life. Finally, unfortunately, he seemed to gain enough sense and look away, 'I'll be there shortly.'

Not wasting time, he quickly stood up and walked to his wardrobe. He already left the poor man waiting long enough.

He tried not to dwell on the fact that it was the first time he got dressed with Vanya still in the room away and in daylight. He didn't hear any movements from behind so he assumed she was still right where he left her on the bed.

_Was she looking at him?_

_Or did she find it all repulsive?_

_Was she upset?_

_Would she still be happier if she left?_

All those thoughts ran across Five's mind filling his heart and stomach with dread and insecurities.

When he turned back toward the bed for his shoes, he found Vanya looking away further adding to what he knew was true. She wasn't happy here. She wasn't happy to be his wife. She would have been happier back with her aunt.

Slowly she climbed down from the bed asking with the blush he knew all too well now present on her cheeks as she must have thought about last night when he fulfilled the maid's duties, 'Could you sent Allison to help me?'

Five finished putting on his shoes and rushed toward her stopping just a little bit in front of her.

She held still looking at him with dare he said _expectation_ of some sort. She still looked so beautiful, Five found it hard to breathe let alone think properly. He wanted to say something to her. Anything. Something which would make her believe he could change. He could be better. He could make her happy. But what? But how?

_She's so beautiful and lovely. You will never deserve her_.

The voice inside his mind was cruel today, and Five knew it was true.

Five opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, and watched as Vanya's pink lips parted as well. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to grab her like a husband should and kiss his beautiful and caring wife until she would get lost in his arms.

_Why couldn't he be like that?_

Five found himself nodding before he took a step back much to his own disappointment.

He was certain that never in his entire life did he hate himself more than he did now.

'Of course,' he told her wishing he could physically hurt himself. He knew he sounded cold, and he knew Vanya would take it the wrong way as he recalled Allison's words from before, but he tried to be more open and forward. He tried to take the initiative and show Vanya he could be a good husband and he cared for her, but it always felt like she stepped away from his attempts. It was probably his own fault. He waited too long. He should have tried to engage her into his life from the first day, but he didn't know how, got scared, and ultimately _failed_.

She nodded and offered him a grateful nod before he was out of the door.

He failed himself and their marriage, but most importantly he failed his wife. Now, there was nothing else to do than to allow her to leave and have the happy life he once stole from her. He hoped someday it would serve as enough for her if not to _love_ him then at least to _forgive_ him.

* * *

Five waited for his meeting to be over before he asked Pogo to call Vanya to his office. His fingers on his pen shook as he waited for her listening to her delicate footsteps his body feeling physically ill with the idea that he might never hear them around the house again.

Once he heard the short knock on the door he looked down at his desk. He couldn't face her. He couldn't look at her without feeling horrible and like a failure. He simply couldn't. If he needed to let her go to make her happy so be it, but he couldn't do it while looking at her all soft, lovely, and beautiful. Like everything he ever dreamed of and lost because he was a cold bastard of a husband incapable of revealing his feelings, of showing how much he cared for someone, of showing how much he _love-_.

'Thank you for coming, Madam, please take a seat,' said Five once Vanya keeping his eyes away from her.

He wasn't even sure what he was looking at. The letters on the documents and writings were dancing across the papers as he felt with every passing moment warmer. The sweat was covering his back and neck and his stomach was turning at the _thought_ of what would happen now.

_Forgive me, please, my dear_

'I gave it some thought over the past few days,' he started slowly keeping his eyes on his papers rather than on her because he was scared if he did raise his gaze to look at her, he would choke on his own words and beg her not to leave him.

_Pathetic_

His grandfather would have spit on him if he knew the dilemma Five was facing. He would call it a weakness and waste of his intelligence to even think about. But his grandfather was a cold-hearted man who died just as unhappy as he lived, and despite how similar they were despite the admiration Five couldn't help himself but feel for the man for achieving so much while having so little, to begin with, he didn't want to end up like him.

_She makes me happy._

_Her smile. Her blush. Her voice. Her thoughts. Her footsteps. Her weight on the bed. Her warmth next to me. Her presence in our house and in my life. She makes me happy-_

_-but she deserves better._

He forced his voice to sound as formal as possible because if he didn't he feared he would let out just how much it shook. He needed to treat this as any other conversation with anyone else, 'and I think it would be beneficial for you to visit your relatives for a while before Christmas at least,' the words tasted like a poison inside his own mouth, and he wished to spit them out, 'I'm certain your aunt would be happy to see you again since it had been quite a few months that you were apart.'

'Doesn't that please you?' asked Five still with his head in his notebook not strong enough to look up at her fearing he would take it all back. Fearing he would fall to his knees and crawl to her skirts begging her to stay despite her unhappiness, despite his coldness, despite everything which made him a failure of a husband.

_Please, stay._

It seemed like an eternity had passed as Five waited for her answer that would once and for all crush his soul and heart. The poor man waited for her to say _yes, it pleased her, yes, she was happy with his suggestion, yes, she was leaving_ , but none of those answers came which forced him finally to dare and look up at her.

If this made her happy, he wished…if he couldn't ask for anything, he wished his decision would grand him to witness her _smile_ at least one last time. To see her smile happily and openly like he never saw before because she would finally be escaping her prison in his life and in their house. If it was always meant to be to end this way as a disaster, Five wished he would get to see her smile just one more time before she would be gone. It would serve as the final memory that there used to be something amazing and good and wonderful such as Lady Vanya Hargreeves in his life before he chased her and the happiness she brought him with her away.

However, when green eyes lifted up to her face there wasn't a smile, a sign of happiness of her approaching freedom, waiting for him. Instead, his beloved wife's face was twisted with her lips pressed tightly together so she wouldn't let out the sobs and tears she was holding back. Despite this, Five could clearly see them shining in her eyes almost at their corners ready to fall down her red cheeks and the rest of her face.

_She was sad._

His body stood up without him even noticing as he was already on his way to her side confused and scared about what did it mean.

_Did I do something wrong?_

_Wasn't this what she wanted? What would make her happy?_

'What's the matter?' he asked confused and growing upset with his own lack of seemingly doing what was right. He couldn't even fake the formal tone anymore too worried about what was happening and why was Vanya crying.

His wife shook her head and tried to turn around, stand up and go for the door, but, fortunately, the lock which should have been fixed yesterday, but Pogo must have forgotten wasn't working properly again and Five managed to catch up to her.

He stood behind her close enough to almost touch her noticing how her entire body was shaking with the urge to cry apparently, 'What's wrong? My dear, what happened?'

_Why aren't you happy? What would make you happy, my love?_

When she remained softly crying facing the still closed door for a moment, he took a hold of her elbow and carefully turned her around so they would be face to face, 'Tell me, please, _Vanya_. What is it?' he asked feeling like he might throw up from seeing her in such a state. He wanted to make her happy. He thought allowing her to leave this house would make her happy. He caused her so much pain already. Why couldn't he do anything right by her? Why did all his attempts backfire?

_Why?_

Five's hand was softly stroking her arm over her long sleeve as he tried again a bit more softly, ' _Please_.'

She brushed some of her tears away against her free hand still not able or wanting to talk and explain it all to him much to his never-ending frustration and sorrow for not being better at understanding what was happening and what was he doing wrong.

However, this time he told himself he wouldn't stop asking until he would get an answer from her. Something was wrong. He didn't understand it, and it was starting to feel more and more like some grand misunderstanding than anything else.

Easily Five guided her back to the desk and forced her a bit to sit back down before he kneeled down in front of her not minding his clothes or how it would look if anyone walked in. He had to figure out what happened. He had to know.

He never cared for any woman as he cared for Vanya. He never wanted any woman the way he wanted her. He never lusted for her any woman the way he did for her. And he certainly never felt he loved any woman the way he did her. The thought shook him to the bone, but how could he deny it if the sole thought of her leaving and being happy away from him caused him such dread and anguish?

_He loved her_

He loved her perhaps since that very first moment he saw her in her aunt's house. He wanted her to be his wife when he long since gave up on the idea of ever having a wife. She came into his life when he didn't even need or want her and made him a prisoner to his own feelings for her.

The realization caused his head to spin, his stomach to flip and his heart to skip a beat in the worst and most amazing way imaginable.

_He loved her_

' _Madam_ ,' he said desperately trying to control the storm of emotions inside him from the realization that threatened his sanity and existence.

_He loved her_

'Tell me what's wrong? Aren't you happy to visit your aunt-'

'NO!' she snapped shocking him before she covered her mouth looking ashamed of her outburst even more than of the crying, but Five barely noticed her odd behavior too busy feeling like a lunatic himself drunk on feelings for her.

'So you are happy-'

'I'm sorry,' Vanya tried to say even if it came out a bit high pitched with her voice still controlled by her shaking throat.

'Madam… I insist you tell me what's troubling you,' he said switching to a firmer tone for a moment before he took a slight inhale and spoke again almost softly not sure _how_ to talk to her. How to make her feel comfortable enough and get her to talk or how to act now all of the sudden.

_He really was a pathetic fool in love, who forgot how to act around his wife._

'I thought a visit to your relatives you please you,' he said looking at her trying to decode her feelings the same way he would his equations.

She shook her head, and Five let out a frustrated sigh not sure what to do or how to act any more than he ever did with her.

However, when Vanya shut her eyes tightly and looked away, Five felt horrible for making her think he was upset with her.

He was truly a horrible husband causing so much anguish and sorrow to his beloved wife.

He let out a soft chuckle at his own foolishness before he stood up taking a hold of her back and pushing her against his chest recalling last night it helped her with the crying so perhaps it would help now as well. He wasn't very good at this. He could be objective about his skills, and being a good husband was clearly not one of them. But he wished to try. He wished to do better. And if Vanya would allow him. If she still felt something for him which would convince her to allow him to try again, harder and better.

Comforting her like this must have been the right decision as Vanya's hand took a hold of his jacket quietly continuing her sobbing while Five was allowed to keep his hands around her holding her close.

'You're the most confusing woman I ever met, my darling,' he said realizing he was smiling as he spoke those words out loud feeling lighter by the sole fact that he got to hold her like this. That she allowed him after all his mistakes and failures to still hold her like a husband would a wife. It didn't matter what was going on inside him and how terrifying and new it was as long as Five was able to keep Vanya close he would endure it all with a smile over his face.

_He loved her_

He almost wished he could hold her like this forever, crying or not, no matter how selfish it would be.

Unfortunately, Five wasn't that lucky, and after a while, Vanya started to calm down enough for him to carefully pushed her away from him to take a good look at her face. She was a bit red and swollen from all the crying, but still the most beautiful woman Five ever had the privilege to see.

_I love you_

'When do you want me to leave?' she asked her voice just as small as Five left the moment she said those words avoiding his gaze instead looking at his clothes the same way he wouldn't look at her a while back. Five's heart sank at the suggestion that _he_ would want her to leave.

His hand was suddenly around Vanya's wrist to keep her in place against his chest before he spoke, 'I thought you would want to go…I…I know you're not happy here.'

_Because of me_

'I am,' she argued quickly, 'I do not _want_ to go. I do not want to leave here and…,' she hesitated for a moment before she finally admitted, 'and _you_.'

Five's shock over her confession was short-lived.

_-and you_

His heart speeded up, and he felt this incredible wave of astonishing and lovely warmth entered his entire body as he watched her wanting nothing more than to pull her to his arms again and never let go.

'I am happy here, truly,' she continued with somewhat determination before she added, 'But if you do wish that I leave, I will.'

Five's grip on her wrist tightened but not enough to hurt her. It was just that the simple thought of Vanya thinking he _wished_ that she would leave, that _he_ would _want_ her to leave brought irrational anger to rise inside him. He never wanted her to leave quite the opposite.

Heaven's he was a disaster in this. How could he not be able to show her just how much he wanted her to stay by his side? For eternity. Always. Forever.

Five looked into his wife's eyes to show her just how much he meant his next words, 'I do not want you to leave either, Vanya.'

He heard the way she caught a breath inside her throat, so delicate he wished to capture it with his own mouth, 'But I could see you were upset last night and today-'

'But not because of what you might think,' she cut him off quickly, 'I was worried I ruined a… _moment_ , and today I acted like a child. I was upset about acting this way not about…,' she looked like she wasn't sure how to address it, 'What you might think.'

Five's eyes wander across Vanya's face seeking if she was being honest about it all and not just sparing his feelings. Could he hope? Dare he do so?

'Madam,' he started firmer than he felt in that moment feeling everything inside him still a wild mess now scaring him more than anything in his entire life and yet not enough to run away. He couldn't run away from _this,_ from her, from his feeling, and perhaps a shot at happiness, 'you must not feel that way…I understand our marriage is not the most _ordinary_ one, but I would never pressure you into-'

'I know,' she cut him off again, 'You have been more than respectful and understanding, and in your own way very kind to me, Sir,' she chuckled a bit surprising Five who found the sound absolutely delightful and wished to capture it inside a box to hear it over and over again, 'I could not be more grateful for that, but perhaps it also caused me to view and fall into a certain bizarre _normal_ that I should not have. Last night was not me being offended or upset more like scared and surprised. I suppose that since it was a while since our wedding, I got used to the way things were, and I did not know how to comprehend or act at the first glimpse of them changing. I deeply apologize for that,' he said hoping to redeem himself and his mistakes.

Her beautiful coffee beans brown eyes looked less upset now and Five found himself certainly feeling more relaxed than ever before. The invisible weight on his chest lifted due to the possibility that he and Vanya could make the situation between them could be resolved without his ice-cold heart being shattered into thousands of pieces, 'Madam, you have _nothing_ to apologize. If it is anyone's fault the situation from last night, it is my own.'

She shook her head, 'No. If anything it is on both of us, but I would like to put it past us to move forward.'

'I still feel I am more to blame than you,' he told her and frowned a bit realizing she falsely assumed she was the only one to blame when it was him who constantly pushed her away or into situations she wasn't ready for.

Vanya sighed, 'You are not.'

'But I must say I haven't exactly acted as a decent husband to you,' he was still frowning as he said. He was upset with himself and his decisions which caused her such anguish when she was never to blame.

'But you have,' she said leaning closer to him as if to prove her point, 'You were always decent perhaps _unusual_ but so have I. You…have to forgive me. My parents although married were not the happiest example, and I suppose intimacy is as foreign to me as social encounter are you if I may say so.'

'Yes, I believe you are spot on with that assumption,' he nodded and started lightly rubbing his thumb against the pulse on her wrist that he was still holding in his grip. She had lovely and tender hands, 'Then we should both try to do _better_ in the future.'

The idea seemed to please her the same way it had him because she nodded.

A short moment of silent peace passed between them before he finally let go of her wrist, and she offered him a small smile. It was peaceful and for the first time in a whole left Five filled with hope about their future.

As they heard one of the servants inform Five of some of his business, Vanya patiently stood by waiting for the servant to leave before she rose to her toes and kissed Five softly on the cheek shaking his world just as she had the first time she granted him this wonderful gesture of affection. Her lips so soft and enchanting stealing a piece of him, he never wanted back if the reward was such an alluring and tender kiss.

Her smile was brilliant as always as she said, 'Thank you, we will see each other at lunch.'

'Yes,' he agreed too quickly still under the spell of her soft lips before she left the room.

Despite her absence, Five couldn't help the large smile that presented on his face feeling warm inside him settling inside his chest.

_She was staying._

It was the most amazing and important thing in the world.

* * *

Unfortunately for him, after their conversation and settling things right, Five's day went downhill with too many problems along the way which made him miss out on lunch. He was sure, Vanya would not be pleased especially since it was important, they start to spend time now in order to achieve an ordinary marriage life and get rid of their old strange habit which caused the problems and insecurities between them.

He finally managed to leave his responsibilities before dinner time heading straight to Vanya who was reading in one of the chairs when he entered the room.

He wondered if she could see that he was stressed as he felt like he might jump out of his skin. He was so frustrated with missing lunch since seeing Vanya again was all he could think about while dealing with the farmers and the usual problems concerning his work.

His pacing and nervousness must have startled her since he could clearly see the worried look that came to her face as she sat up straighter.

He quickly tried to correct her assumption with a slight bow, 'My apologies. I did not mean to miss lunch with you.'

She blinked replacing the look of concern with a surprised one before she nodded accepting his apology, 'It is quite alright. I assure you.'

Five didn't think he should be allowed forgiveness so quickly and carelessly so he carried on, 'I made sure not to have any work or interruption during dinner though.'

Vanya's beautiful smile told him he made the right decision, and instantly felt better about her forgiveness, 'That would be lovely, I appreciate it.'

Five nodded realizing he wasn't certain how to spend the time they had left before dinner. It didn't happen often that they could just enjoy each other's presence without anything to do.

'Would you like me to read to you?' Vanya asked suddenly perhaps as a ploy to avoid uneasiness of their situation or perhaps to genuinely engage them in some shared activity. Either way, Five was grateful for her quick thinking.

He found himself nodding and walking closer to her before he could even think it through compelled by the possibility of spending more time with her.

He settled for the chair on her left feeling incredibly stiff not sure what he should do or say like this in the daylight with her worried if he said something wrong she could still get upset again just as she had twice already because of him.

'Alright,' she said before she started where she left off. She wasn't too far, and it was a series of poems so Five didn't miss anything crucial. He listened to her for the remaining of the next hour before Pogo announced dinner time.

Her voice was melodic and calming reminding Five just like everything else about her of soft and warm things. His wife was simply a treasure, he wished to hide inside his room away from the cruel world, but at the same time, he knew she wasn't delicate. Although the recent events could be viewed as her being one of the fragile ones, Five would like to think they showed just how human and good she could be. Rather choosing to make her life a happy one with what she got than to find comfort in material things or lovers, as Klaus pointed out not so long ago.

When Pogo showed up once again cutting their special moment, Five felt once again irrationally angry with his most trusted servant.

Vanya offered him a calm smile closing the book before she memorized the page she left on.

'You have a very musical voice, my dear,' he said finally once Pogo was out of the earshot.

She shook her head with a chuckle that once again warmed his chest. Everything she did seemed to lighten his mood and warm his heart.

Their dinner was spent by talking about the author and then about other poems before they discussed Five's day was and what happened. By the time, they finished he was a bit surprised it was close to bedtime, but Vanya just smiled at him, and he smoothed his disappointment with a small laugh.

He gave her space so that Allison could help her undress before he came to do so himself.

'Good night, my dear,' he whispered as he blew the last candles and allowed the room to fall into the dark.

'Good night,' he heard her soft voice whisper back before he got under the covers swallowing whatever doubts he might have and pulling her closer.

She let out a small gasp but didn't fight him or push him away. Instead, her hands took hold of his allowing him to keep her even closer just as he did the night before. Her chest was rising and falling quicker than normal, but her warmth was so comforting Five found himself drifting away easily with a small smile on his face.

_My lovely wife_

* * *

Since then life started to slowly improve for a young couple. It wasn't anything grand, but with small steps, they created new rituals and habits. Some were nice improvements in their time spent together as their walks, reading, and listening to Vanya's music. She was incredibly talented, and Five took selfish pride in the praise those who were lucky enough to hear her sent her way.

Others were a bit more intimate in nature with more touches slowly pushing the boundaries of their personal spaces. He didn't mind them. In fact, he rather enjoyed each and every one of them allowing the feeling to take him away, but still keeping in mind he couldn't give into them completely and startle her as he did so many weeks ago.

It was hard at times, but Vanya's soft eyes and blushing cheeks were enough to get him to calm himself enjoying the warm sensation in his chest rather than giving in to the lustful hunger coming from the lower parts of his body. He craved her. He wanted her. But he loved her too much to try and make her uncomfortable again and upset her again.

Five thought things were going rather well. Vanya seemed happier which was something that made him happy as well. He thought he was subtle. He spoke and acted the same as he did before, but then he did notice _whispers_ and _secret smiles_ of his staff and farmers who spoke otherwise. He tried not to feel too embarrassed by them. There wasn't anything malice in their behavior, but he also didn't approve of them slacking off while dealing with gossips.

However, even he had to admit it made him feel good about himself when Vanya's personal maid Allison smiled at him and said that, 'Lady Vanya is very happy. She feels like at home.'

Or when Pogo pointed out that Vanya was smiling and playing more once she got her violin fixed.

'Well done, Sir,' said his butler, and Five tried to keep his composure, 'I'm sure such good mood starts from within.'

'But it certainly helps when the people we care about are happy as well,' said the old butler with a sentiment which reminded Five why he used to be his favorite staff member in the house.

He had to admit. It was easier to be in a good mood when the people he cared about were happy as well. Especially when the person he cared the most offered him such a brilliant smile and asked, 'Would you like to hear me play after dinner?'

_How could he not smile at that?_

'If you would be so kind, my dear.'

* * *

Five didn't remember much from the accident itself. He was young and the experience was traumatizing. His grandfather was never particularly interested in the details.

' _What's done is done, my boy. We must carry on.'_

Delores on the other hand didn't want to upset him always telling him he could talk to her about it if he wanted to but never feeling brave enough to ask. Despite what a strong and remarkable woman she was, she was also very soft often crying for Five or anyone else's who was less fortunate benefit if they didn't cry themselves.

Memories of what happened haunted him for many years after it happened. Sometimes in the form of nightmares, other times as dreadful thoughts.

Since he made it back to England, he didn't feel particularly good about traveling by boat. He could admit that to himself. He would prefer if he never had to until the day he would die.

His thoughts about water were conflicting at best. He washed and bathed mechanically. He took it as a practical task in a daily routine trying to keep his mind blank always remembering for a few moments that feeling of when his body hit the cold water even if the memories were blurry.

That day it must have been the shock of seeing another boy in the water that forced him to act without thinking and jumping into the water after him.

The water was cold, but with the adrenaline inside him caused by the horror of the situation Five barely noticed. He managed to get the boy hearing the farmers' screams as they must have realized what happened. The boy wasn't moving, but the priority was to get him out of the water before he could deal with that.

It all happened quickly.

The boy's body was finally on the ice, outside of the water when Five's entire body was frozen in place as it falling hit him just how cold the water was. It was a second from which Five's mind stopped as memories of loneliness, fear, and soul-crushing cold hit him all at once forcing him to stop swimming and moving altogether.

Everything around him went black as he heard the sound of the warning bell on the boat where he was with his parents.

' _Five, come quick!'_ he heard a woman's voice. Was it his mother? It had been ages since he last heard it. He couldn't remember anymore.

Everything around him and inside him went cold. It was horrible. He couldn't move and everything including breathing hurt as if thousands of little sharp knives were stabbing every inch of his body from the outside and inside.

' _Five,_ ' he heard coming from the distant feeling the cold swallowing him alive. No, that wasn't the voice of his mother. Could be Delores-? No, it also wasn't his caretaker. It was someone else. Someone with no accent and a melodic rhythm to her speech.

_Vanya_

The pain from trying to move in the cold was excruciating, but the realization that if he allowed the cold to take it he would probably never have a chance to hear her voice or see her forced him to try.

_I love her_

He needed to move. The cold would kill him. He needed to get warm. He needed to move.

_I love her_. _I want to see her again. I want to be with her. Always._

'No, Five, stop!' he heard Vanya cold out as he tried to move and fight the cold feeling the knives cut into him more and deeper.

'It's alright. This will help. I'm here. You're safe now,' her voice was urgent but close and ever so lovely calming him enough to try and stop moving knowing she was near and he was by definition of that safe.

' _I love you,_ ' he tried to say, but his tongue was frozen inside his mouth so perhaps he said something else.

' _Vanya,'_ he tried again, but it still didn't feel right.

Luckily, he started to slowly feel the pain from the cold to subdue which helped to calm him down even more. He would be alright.

He thought he even started to feel Vanya's soft touch against his face, but he couldn't be sure. His eyes felt too heavy whenever he tried to open them.

' _Vanya,_ ' he called out her name wishing to hear more of her voice.

'It's alright, my love, I am here,' she said, and Five felt the warmth inside his chest slowly returning just like it always did whenever his wife did something lovely and wonderful.

_My love_

No one ever called him so nicely. He doubted even if they did it would ever come out as sweetly as it had from Vanya's mouth.

'Vanya,' spoke Five again, and he would have sworn he wasn't in the cold water anymore but someplace softer and warmer feeling her fingers reach his just as they sometimes had during their walks if they were certain no one was around.

'All is well, I'm here,' her voice came to his ears again, and Five knew he could rest now because all would truly be alright.

_I love you_

Sleep must have taken him away because when he woke up he felt much better. Still cold, but not paralyzed. His eyes opened only to find his darling wife sitting on the bed beside him looking down at him with worried yet relieved eyes.

'Vanya?'

'I'm here, Five. I'm here,' she said and brushed his cheek softly again just as he thought she did when he wasn't fully conscious.

He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment memorizing the moment into his mind before he opened them again. He tried to sit up simply because it didn't feel right to be laying around with her sitting next to him. She was a lady after all, but Vanya easily pushed him back down as he wasn't back to his full strength. Not even close.

'No, rest, please,' her voice was soft but firm. It touched him as it reminded him of Delores who only used such a voice when she was worried about him.

As unlikely as Five found it, Vanya had to care for him dearly.

What has he ever done to deserve someone like her in life, let alone for someone like her to care for him?

Again he let out another sigh but nodded, 'What happened? How is the boy?'

Vanya quickly told him what happened with the boy and how he was alright which relieved Five's troubled soul even more.

His eyes closed for a moment and couldn't help the soft smile to cover his mouth, 'You're starting to know me too well, my dear.'

'And yet, you seemed to not know me at all if even for a moment you think I would be alright with you dying even if saving a child,' she said and Five opened his eyes to see the soft smile on her face that he adored so much even if her eyes still looked worried, 'I apologize for worrying you.'

'I accept but only with a promise you will not engage in such risky rescues ever again,' she said and tapped her finger against his cheek. She could do so little, and it would always seem to cause a reaction inside him to want more.

He snuggled a bit against her skirts scattered across the bed and under his head, 'I will do my best not to cross you again.'

'Good,' she mumbled and started to stroke his cheek and hair again, 'It was not a pleasant experience.'

He wanted to apologize again or perhaps say something else to ease her worries and get an honest smile out of her, but Doctor Diego came in upset with him about his recklessness that Five would have found amusing since the hotheaded man was usually the one who acted foolishly without thinking if he still didn't feel weak and wished for the conversation to be over quickly so he could be alone with his wife again. Although in his mind he still knew he was missing out on so many of his responsibilities it felt good to be near her for a bit longer especially now that he still felt cold and weak.

'You two are friends?' she asked resuming to stroking his now dry hair once Diego left, 'Yes. Growing up we were close I suppose. His family lived nearby. When my grandfather was away or occupied, I was allowed to cross the field and play with him,' he said recalling those days and how displeased grandfather always was with him whenever he was doing something other than studying or chores. The man didn't understand the free time and always filled it with more work which he expected from others as well.

He heard Vanya hum something, but she didn't comment on his words allowing him to get taken by some of the memories. In comparison, to others, Five probably had a bizarre childhood even if he himself never thoughts so until later years. He supposed anyone could find their life as normal if they didn't know better.

His eyes shift to hers recognizing once again the concern behind them, 'Again, I am sorry to scare you like that. I was not thinking. I simply acted.'

She nodded, 'I know, and I am glad you saved the boy even more without even stopping by to consider your own health or life. It once again proves you are a very good man even if you do not let others see it directly. It's just like you said. You scared me. It was very…chilling and terrifying to see you like that,' she confessed her hands still stroking his hair whether she realized it or not.

Five closed his eyes again for a moment he was silent before he spoke again recalling what happened and how quickly it all escalated to a dangerous situation just as when he was a child, 'It wasn't scary when I jumped or when I got to the boy and started to pull him out, but once he was safely on the ice, the cold hit my body completely and for a moment…it felt like when the ship crashed.'

It was the first time he mentioned what happened to her, and the first time in years that he mentioned it at all. At times, it could have been taken for a nightmarish dream that never really took place only haunted him at night, however, whenever he did think about it more, it was hard not to get stuck in the horror of it knowing _he_ had been through such an experience, and he _survived_ such an experience.

'I see,' she said carefully, 'I imagine that must have been worse than horrible, nightmarish even.'

Five opened his eyes but instead of her he looked somewhere to the side, 'I do not recall much of that day,' he said as he spiraled into the memory slowly, 'I remember the bell rang as there was a situation on the ship. I didn't know what was happening just that my mother and father took me, and we were forced to the emergency lifeboat. However, then there was a sound like a crash, and I remember falling and everyone screaming,' his own voice drifted on, 'It was the same. At first, I didn't feel cold, and then it was like it reached every part of my body right up until the bones. I think I panicked and started to trash, but it had only gotten worse, and then I thought I was drowning. I do not know if someone saved me or I just ended up on the land by myself, but the first thing afterward was seeing Delores's face as she took care of me and feed me warm soup. That was two days after the crash.'

He noticed her fingers tried to be as gentle as possible. He wondered if he didn't scare her. It sounded horrible really he knew, but he didn't tell her to make her worried he simply felt he wanted to tell her if only for her to hear it from him rather than anyone else.

'Five, I'm so sorry about that.'

He nodded and knew she meant it. Vanya was a sympathetic person. She didn't use it to play games or trick people into thinking that she was a good person, she simply was one.

However, upon hearing that Five recalled the moment he heard her say something when he wasn't able to talk. He smirked, 'I heard you say my name before, but I thought it wasn't real. I like how you say it.'

The adorable and lovely brush returned to her cheeks, 'I like when you use my name as well.'

'Then, I suppose in the privacy of our rooms we could address one another with them, Vanya,' he said feeling a sudden stir inside him as if the air in the room changed. It certainly became warmer.

'Yes,' she smiled a bit, 'Five, I believe we could do that.'

He watched her silently for a bit before he took her hand and turned her palm toward his face. His lips were still a bit cold, but he hoped the kiss was gentle and filled with his gratitude and affection he felt for her at that moment.

'Five,' she whispered, and he looked up at her, 'I apologize. I still feel my lips are cold.'

'It's not unpleasant,' she assured him keeping her other hand in his hair still occasionally stroking him from time to time tenderly.

He kept her hand close to his face feeling the warmth overtake his entire being with the way the beautiful brunette continued to look down on him, 'I should probably warm them up.'

Five wondered if she could hear his heart the way he could in that very moment with the sudden realization of how close they were and how overwhelming being with Vanya often was even in such innocent moments.

He looked away making sure she had space and didn't feel pressured into anything. He cared too much for her. She saved his life. She took care of him and was worried about him. It couldn't have been just him to had these feelings inside his heart. He knew she felt the same. He hoped she did. Whenever she looked and smiled at him in that special delicate way, he couldn't imagine her giving such affectionate acts to anyone else. He wouldn't allow himself to imagine such torturous thoughts worse than any of the fears he knew so far.

He barely noticed when she started to lean closer to him her skirts ruffling underneath him.

'How do you propose we do that, Five?' her voice was quiet as if she didn't want to disturb anyone else in the room while her face slowly came closer to his.

He barely needed to rose from his position to reach her. When his lips touched her for the first time he felt immediately absorbed by the feeling of comforting warmth his cold body tried to take from her. She didn't seem to mind gladly giving him all he wanted and taking just as much.

He broke the kiss only to sat up even if he felt more than lightheaded and kissed her wonderful lips again.

Her hands were still buried in his hair and he took a hold of her chin. She was delicate, soft, and warm, and Five felt himself drowning willing to give up his life for the feeling to continue.

He barely rose from his position to reach her.

His lips were cold against her, but the feeling of warmth that spread inside her made up for it.

_I love you_

* * *

The occasional kiss in the privacy of their bedroom or his office became a new routine, One which Five more than happily welcomed often holding Vanya just a bit closer or just a bit longer every time they shared a moment between his busy schedules. He liked those stolen moments feeling as if he took a sip of coffee or like a plant received his necessary ray of sunshine filled with energy to work throughout the day in order to once again be with the woman he loved so much.

_He loved her._

Before, he knew she captured his attention in a way no woman up until then had which was the reason why he was so persuasive to have her as his wife. After a couple of months, he grew attached to her. The extra body on the bed as well as the soft breaths of another soul-filled his own existence and shattered the loneliness which was threatening to consume him through his years of solitude.

Everything she did, he took with grand adoration. From her thoughts, her words, her voice when it read to him before dinner, to her playing the violin or just standing close by looking _well_ as just like herself. Everything Vanya Five enjoyed and adored not able to explain _why_ in other words than because it was _her_.

Combining all of this there was simply no other solution to the puzzle than for Five to fall helplessly in love with his wonderful life every day and every step of the way through their marriage.

Today as he found out about Vanya's _gift_ to him for Christmas, which was for Delores to come earlier and spent more time with them, was no exception.

How on earth did he deserve someone like her he would never know, but being a man of opportunity he took it spending a lovely day with his former adoptive mother and his dear wife. If that was even possible he felt lighter inside having both of the women under the same roof the Christmas atmosphere which was never all that familiar to him finally getting to his sour heart.

However, once they parted for the night, alone in their room pressed Five hands against Vanya's cheeks still in a good mood and looking truly grateful down at his amazing wife, 'Thank you.'

Her eyes sparkled as another lovely smile came across her face revealing she was happy because he was once again proving just how kind and generous a woman she was.

Without another second to spare Five leaned down to kiss her wondering if it was even fair to be as happy as he was now with his wife.

_I love you_

* * *

Five wouldn't say he was nervous as Delores came to his office on one of the first days after her arrival, but he certainly felt enough pressure to stop his work and pay all the attention to her even having a maid bring them tea just as Vanya started to practice the violin.

'Vanya is probably the kindest woman I know,' said his adoptive mother with a knowing smile, 'You made the right choice. She fits you well.'

Five chuckled not able to help himself upon hearing such a thing, 'I could never be as good and wonderful of a person as she is. Perhaps if you consider us opposites then it is true. We do fit each other.'

Delores laughed openly at that, 'Do not be a fool. You are certainly far more similar than you care to admit. You fit each other with how both of you wish for happiness but think you are not worthy of it. However, love tends to find the way and fix the fates of even the stubborn of fools.'

Five raised his brows at the woman's words before he shook his head, 'Nonsense.'

The woman took her teacup and shook her head with a smile, 'Either way, I am glad you have her. She makes you happy and better. The people who care for you can see it, and it makes them happy as well.'

Apart from Vanya, Delores was the woman he admired and care for the most as she raised him and took care of him when he was a child suffering from trauma. He offered her a smile and thanked her for her kind words feeling even lighter now that he knew that Delores approved of his wife. It made him feel like a man who had everything indeed.

* * *

Life carried on, and Five kept on expecting for something to happen to damage to calmness and bring more anguish, but it never seems to have. If anything it appeared that every day was bathed in light with him working and fulfilling his duties around the estate, his projects with Klaus, his papers for the university, and then spending his free time with his wife in peace and love. Who was to say it all would not be taken from him sooner or later? How could anyone be so lucky?

'Why the sour face?' Vanya asked him before bedtime one day not long after they started to slowly allow all intimate acts between them.

Her fingers reach out as he was getting ready for bed and touched his forehead and the wrinkles he caused by frowning too much. Surprisingly, he managed to come to bed before Vanya would be long asleep. Despite his best efforts, it rarely happened.

'Did something happen?' she asked. She always asked and care for others well being. She was too good at times, too carrying, too generous.

'Nothing happened,' he confessed and reached out to push some of her hair behind her ear. He liked it when she could allow her hair to fall down over her shoulders. He thought she looked even more beautiful without the complicated hairstyles.

The concerned look lost its power as she offered him a small precious smile, 'Are you scared something will happen?'

Her fingers moved lower through his cheek toward his lips where she brushed them with her soft fingertips, 'Worrying about things that did not occur yet will only cause you more sorrow than necessary.'

His lips kissed her before he offered her a small smile, 'Such a wise wife I have.'

She leaned closer, and he met her halfway in the now-familiar dance of kisses and touches he still sometimes couldn't accept to be a part of his life. He did not understand how he could be so blessed. He did not understand why.

'Can you ever forgive me?' he asked when he broke the kiss his shirt somewhere on the ground his eyes suddenly _so worried_ while looking down at his beloved wife in his arms. He felt weak and scared like a little boy at times even when he was the one who had more strength than her. It felt like she was the one in control of everything.

She looked at him confused brushing his hair her breathing so loud now, 'For what?'

His heart ached with the possibility that it could all fall down like a house of cards. Just a beautiful dream that was fated to sooner or later come to an end, 'For marrying you even though you didn't love me for…for forcing you to be forever with me even though you didn't know me or wanted me or-'

Her lips against his in a deep kiss silenced him at last.

When she leaned away, and once again she brushed his hair smiling up at him, 'You're a ridiculous man, my love.'

Her smile was open as was everything about her when she looked at him that way revealing the same intense and soft feelings he long since felt for her and wished deep down she felt for him too.

For a moment Five didn't know what to say, but Vanya just shook her head pulling him closer while mumbling against his lips, ' _Ridiculous_.'

* * *

_I love you_

_I love you since I first laid my eyes on you_

* * *

Five was irritated. Some of the farmers got into a heated argument with each other, and he had to act as a mediator which wasn't his favorite position especially when people were acting like fools threatening his patience.

The fact that it took out too much of the time he had reserved for his papers for the university also didn't help to improve his mood. He was supposed to have lunch soon with his wife, and he intended to make it to the dining room on time.

'Did you manage to fulfill all your errands, my dear?' Five asked Vanya giving her only a brief glance at the beginning before lowering his eyes back to his notebook and notes. He needed to finish it so he would have enough time to spend some proper time with her. But as always, her presence in his office was a delightful breeze of fresh air melting his annoyance from before slowly away.

She walked around the table slowly, 'Yes, I think I even managed to find you the perfect birthday gift.'

_Ah, his birthday._

He would probably have to thank Delores for revealing the information to his wife since he was stubbornly trying to keep it to himself in order to avoid any events. However, after she found out the date, Vanya convinced him to arrange a small gathering of their closest friends. It wasn't like he could ever deny his wife anything when she smiled so softly at him and kissed him so lovingly. It always wasn't like he wanted to.

He sighed, but the small smile already made its way across his face as he spoke letting her know he wasn't really upset, 'Whatever it is I'm sure it will be very generous and lovely, but I already told you. I have you as my wife, and I _finally_ managed to convince Klaus to invest with me in our new project. I have everything I could ever want. I don't need anything more.' It was true. He felt happier than he did in a very long time, and he couldn't imagine Vanya giving him anything which would improve his state. He truly felt like a man who had everything. He felt content and blessed with more than he deserved, but he accepted it greedily anyway.

Vanya took a hold of his hand which caused him to look up at her feeling adoration for his beloved wife as she watched him clearly amused about something.

He thought it was a simple gesture of affection such as her random small kisses on the cheek or brushes of the hands. He tried to encourage himself to take the initiative in doing them as well, but so far his wife was the main initiator.

Vanya very slowly but firmly pressed his palm against her stomach with an intriguing smile.

As intelligent as he was it took him a moment to catch up on what she meant before his eyes dropped to their hands pressed against her stomach. A moment had passed and then another before Five's eyes widened and he opened his mouth taking in a sharp inhale realizing what she meant feeling the familiar wave of affection toward her now for a completely different reason.

_A child_

A child, a product of their love, an heir to his name. He could already picture a beautiful little babe with Vanya's dark eyes and pale skin and the adorable smile that made him feel adoration every time he saw it.

'You have made a liar, dear wife,' he said and stood up and buried his other hand into her hair before leaning down for a slow and loving kiss.

'Once again you made me a liar. You made me say I never wanted or needed anything else,' he said and let his thumb gently stroke her stomach while looking into her eyes the joy he felt so profound he thought it would tear him apart, and he would happily let it, 'Just like you did when all those years I used to claim I never wanted a wife or to get married.'

She chuckled amused, 'So I make a liar out of you. I guess I'm not a very nice wife then.'

He shook his head and leaned down again seeing Vanya's face radiate with the same joy he felt inside his soul, 'No, you're the nicest,' he kissed her again a bit deeper now, 'and the sweetest,' another kiss even longer than the previous one, 'and wisest,' and another, 'and the most brilliant one anyone including myself could ask for.'

Vanya had to force her smile to fall down a bit to allow him to kiss her properly again. Needless to say, Five's work was left forgotten on the table while their hands never separated from her stomach.

He truly felt like the richest man in the world at that moment knowing that there was still room for him to be happier looking forward to it.

**Koniec**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: Hello everyone, sorry it took so long to finish, I hope you like Five's POV as much as Vanya's. Thank you for all your support, and I hope all of you and your loved ones are safe and doing okay. Have a nice day :)

**Author's Note:**

> A.N: Hey, I decided to post this one because I feel posting is the only way I can force myself to finish it. I wasn't sure about pronunciation of titles and statuses like sir, master, madam, lady, etc. so sorry about that as well. It was supposed to be a one shot then two shot and now four chaptered story. I hope you like it, any feedback is welcomed. Thank you for reading and support.


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